this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024
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This just in, Google will he deprecating their phone app fart button in 18 months for the new and improved Android Poots button.
Wait, we're just now getting word that in 7 more months, Android Poots will be replaced with Google Toots. All 3 buttons will be active at the same time while Google works on feature parity.
You'll never believe this, insiders are telling us that 4 months after Google Toots, Google will be introducing Google Farts to replace Google Toots. Google Farts will be different than the original Fart button, not sure how but we are expecting it'll be a worse experience.
And finally, 6 months later, after hundreds of millions of dollars spent, somehow none on marketing, and after generating a healthy user base that defied all odds, Google will begin to shutdown all 4 buttons and lay off all the teams that worked on them.
Just so you know, I appreciate this comment.
I'm glad my bitterness can bring joy
Well, the newer Farts button will have integrated AI to dynamically choose the proper fart for the situation, and requires a subscription. The legacy Fart app can still be sideloaded but it's missing the textures and subtly of the wet farts from Toots so it's really not worth it.. I'm still upset they haven't ported the Google Home integration from Poots it was one of the best parts.
To support the fart choice AI your microphone will now be active 100% of the time and detailed logs of your life will be kept in your non personally identifiable account (which just so happens to also have your name, phone number, address, and physical location attached to it, but there's an ID number too, so we say it's non personally identifiable).
Google Toots and Google Toots (New)
6 months and 1 day later, all phones with the built in fart button are no longer supported. Disabling the button won't help. Your hardware is a brick.
This person googles.