this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2024
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how to cope mentally during gaps in HRT (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 6 months ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
27 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I recently had an injection that seemed to go wrong (CW: blood, I inject EV subq and I hit something like a capillary, there was a lot of blood and it bruised badly afterwards). Within a couple days I felt unusually dysphoric as a result of what I assume was a failure for the oil to depot and slowly release over time.

I get these "dysphoric thoughts" that maybe the estrogen is causing the problems, that I don't have objective proof that I'm trans, etc. Lots of doubt, paranoia, and increasing amounts of anxiety and irrational fear (about transition, but also in general, e.g. thinking spiders are in my bed), and I start to experience depression and anhedonia (things aren't as pleasurable, everything feels pretty flat emotionally, I just feel "bad").

Of course when I inject again and it goes well, I feel much better and I forget about these problems.

I was just wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with dysphoria when there are gaps in the HRT. Obviously in the long term, surgery will fix the hormone issue and I suspect that will fix this problem. Until then, though, I am stuck in a rather fragile place where I feel normal (even good, even amazing) when my estrogen levels are high and suppressing my testosterone. Any small slip in that and I barely function as a person.

Before HRT I would just do whatever I could to increase mental well-being:

  • physical exertion (aerobic exercise, weightlifting, etc.)
  • going outside and getting sunshine
  • keeping up with hydration
  • keeping good sleep hygiene (sleeping enough, going to sleep at the same times, etc.)
  • meditation every day

But now it feels harder for me to "bootstrap" when there are gaps in HRT and my hormones aren't right, it's like I'm no longer used to how hard it was before.

Anyway - any tips or thoughts, would like to hear other's experiences.

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[โ€“] xilliah@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for your words! Actually yesterday I finally got some and today is my first day without full blown dissociation. And it's trans visibility day :)

I'll keep tinkering with the gendergp and Dutch pathways though.

[โ€“] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

woohoo! That's great news! Are you doing injections, and what dose did you decide to start with?

This is so exciting! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

[โ€“] xilliah@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Yes and I still have to look that up. Posted an update.

[โ€“] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago

nice, I checked your update and posted there - thanks!