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I had gone through the same self examination when I was younger, wondering about my sexuality and gender identity. I didn't really identify strongly with being a "man", and valued some of the more "feminine" traits I had. In the end, though, I found a peace in just being who I am. I still identify as a "man" and just embraced both the traits that reinforce that as well as break from the common mold. In the end, I came away from it finding gender kind of silly overall. I have no issues with individuals identifying themselves in any particular way, but don't really understand the need for gender at all in the larger scale of society.
My experience was similar, gender felt like an external expectation, mostly a limiting one, growing up as a girl. I didn’t really internalize it besides accepting that it shapes how strangers receive and respond to me just like being short or ugly does.
That was my experience as a boy and now a man. It isn't inherently a negative thing because it is shorthand for expectations, but it becomes absolutely horrible when people try to force it on others instead of acknowledging that gender roles are generalizations and not written in stone.
Agreed. I identify as a man but have almost no attachment to that gender. The most I think about my gender is to double check the sign on the restroom. This is probably a lot of privilege though.