Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Maybe talk to a real-world friend who knows the both of you. Friends (or family) aren't stuck in the situation and their perspective might help. At least they're going to provide you with reassurance if they're proper friends. Maybe that's all you need. Judging by your words, you already made up your mind about the situation and the only question left is how to say it. It might turn out bad anyways and sometimes there isn't a nice way to do it. But it's really difficult to give advice without knowing any of you.
Anyways, it's not your obligation to be the welfare system for another person. If that's all what keeps you there... Minimize the damage and take the appropriate time to sort things out.
It's also not okay that you don't know if your partner is with you because of you, or because you provide a comfortable life. You should know that in a working relationship.
Edit: If you have the capacity to answer questions: How does couples therapy work? Does it help? Do they provide you with tools to handle things that aren't obvious? Anything of substance? Do things get "fixed" in therapy sessions?
It helps to a degree. It got us talking a lot more and somewhat vulnerable - something we have troubles with because of our upbringings. But it's little more than small insights, I think. I don't know if anything has gotten "fixed", really. And to be honest, it's likely due to my difficulties being guilty/responsible/things that I shouldn't be, so I keep my head down and words to myself. But yeah, it's just a real bungled up mess. Still, thanks for the reply. The validation helps
Thank you. I appreciate your answer. I can relate to that. At some times I've asked myself if going to couples therapy was beneficial to me. But I'm in a different situation and we eventually managed to find enough love and determinism on both sides to pull through, read up on the different love languages and get close to the roots of some communication issues.
What you have sounds more like codependency and that's not healthy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not qualified to judge you, neither do I have enough information to make that statement. But other comments here come down to the same thing. You don't work well together. It's weighing you down. And maybe it's also weighing down your (current) partner. We cannot know how things turn out in the future. But my belief is that sometimes people need to face reality. Sometimes people even have to reach the bottom, get shaken up a bit in the process to wake up and ultimately get better. If it's codependency, I don't see another alternative. Anyways. Keep in mind that you're not alone. It might feel that way and you are the one faced with the problem. But break-up and divorce is a fairly common thing. It sucks but you're not alone with that. Money and belongings can be sorted out. Opportunities will arise if you're really forced to look for them. I'm positive it'll turn out okay in the end, as it has for lots of other people. If you're struggling to get going with the process, take the time to think it through, set yourself a realistic goal including a schedule and then start working on it. If any of you have friends or family, maybe have them support you, so you're not alone in the process. It's just for a limited time.