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what is something that immediately makes you think someone is a decent human being? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by Calvinball@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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I think people who are patient and interact with children with respect and empathy is a giveaway.

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[–] AttackBunny@beehaw.org 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Personally, I have all the patience in the world for someone who can’t. I have absolutely zero fucking patience for someone who won’t.

What I mean by that is if someone is disabled, or old, etc, I will go out of my way to help them, or at the very least be patient with their slowness, or need to overcome an obstacle.

People who are fully capable and just refuse, yeah……zero patience.

[–] LinkOpensChest_wav@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

I was thinking about those who can't when I made that comment

[–] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

While I'm sure you're already aware of this, I wanted to take a second to point out some framing you used when you said the following, and a common misconception that people who are not familiar with disability communities or regularly interact with disabled folks often make

I will go out of my way to help them

To anyone out here reading this who isn't aware, it's really important to check in with people whether they want help, before offering it. Offering help when it's not solicited is called 'patronizing help', and the difference between how abled and disabled people view this is rather stark. In one study on this, a hypothetical is posed, summarized below as follows:

Mary is a blind woman who uses a white cane to navigate her commute to work. One day, she finds a construction project obstructing her usual path to the bus stop.

Stopping at a street corner, Mary asks a passerby to confirm that the bus stop is one block away. One pedestrian tells her it’s too dangerous for her to be walking on her own, takes her by the arm, and insists on accompanying her to the destination.

Another pedestrian says it’s too dangerous for her to be walking on her own and tells her to go home.

Which pedestrian was more helpful?

There's a pretty stark difference between how helpful sighted and blind individuals found the two different responses. Just take a look at this chart

So to anyone out there who offers help, please ask whether someone wants help and then follow it up by asking how you can be helpful!

[–] AttackBunny@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

To clarify. I didn’t say it to limit what how long what I typed out, but yes, I always ask first, unless someone asks me.

“Can you help me get down this step?” Yes, absolutely, take my arm.

If I See someone struggling to move trash cans back down their driveway, for instance “would you like some help moving those?” If they say no, ok have a nice day.

I encounter a lot more elderly people than disabled, and usually it’s a resounding yes please help, but I respect when it’s not. I also took care of my aging grandmother forever, so I am good at picking out what’s the stubborn “I can’t do this dammit” mindset.