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How does attraction feel like to you, mentally, physically and emotionally? (literature.cafe)

submitted 1 year ago by Bebo@literature.cafe to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?

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[–] bouh@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Attraction is a mindset as much as it is a feeling. It is tied to desire. Desire is what you want out of an imaginary relationship, so to say.

I see 3 kinds of romantic desires: sex, social status, and emotional intimacy (or friendship). The first is obvious, and is usually about appearance, but it can also be about what the sex will be about (kink, experience, whatever). Social status is more about how the relationship is perceived or what it can bring (regular family, social standing, money, religion,...). Last one is about friendship basically, that is being with someone and knowing this person.

The desires breed attraction. They can change over time, and you can suppress or exacerbate them. Some situations can also wake them like food can wake hunger.

If you want to avoid some problem relationships or if you seek deeper relationships, you'll feel less attraction from sight, simply because you'll need deeper knowledge and connections from a person to see what you desire and see the attraction grow.

As for how it feels, it depends on the desire it feeds from. And it depends on the situation and the person. It depends on the moment itself.

There, my model for all this.