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How does attraction feel like to you, mentally, physically and emotionally? (literature.cafe)

submitted 1 year ago by Bebo@literature.cafe to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Well, you are right that romance novels are not a realistic image of attraction.

I am not really attracted to guys based on their looks. Either they look good enough that I can be attracted to them IF they are otherwise attractive to me (in wit and kindness and the way they move, everything else that makes someone hot) or they don't look good enough and no matter how hot they are in other ways my brain has screened them out.

Humans, male, female or other, can be so beautiful physically and I can see it and want to look at them because they are beautiful. But that is entirely separate from the sexual attraction. There's nobody who looks good enough I could be attracted just by looks.