this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2023
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I genuinely don't remember the last time I cried. I'm a very stoic person. Stuff that makes people cry barely touches me, and that sucks sometimes. It doesn't feel good, knowing that that source of stress relief is just blocked for me.
Society needs to have members available at all times. You are here to keep others safe when they cry
My shoulder is available to all who need it
I’m not sure how to write this in the sensitive way that it should be delivered, so I’m really sorry about that, but have you ever thought about going to therapy?
The reason I bring it up is because I used to be like that too, and it was absolutely fine with me until some shit happened in my life that my usual coping mechanisms couldn’t deal with and I went to therapy for help.
Entirely coincidentally, (or not?) we got onto the topic of emotional awareness and expression and eventually we worked out that I had trouble understanding my emotions due to a neurological disorder, but also, that I had been suppressing my emotions because as a kid I’d basically been taught that people react negatively towards my displays of emotion.
Just a thought that maybe it could help you if you were interested.
I don't think I have trouble understanding my emotions, but I probably really do suppress them. As of now, my normal coping mechanisms work fine, and I don't see the need to fix this specific one. Maybe one day I too will have the urge, and then I'll see what I can do.
If I may ask, has therapy helped you? Did you manage to cry?
For me, I could only really discern simple emotions and only when they were strong, and most of the time I just felt kind of neutral, even when others thought I should be feeling excited or sad I just felt kinda empty, and through therapy I realised that I wasn’t really empty, I just didn’t have an understanding of what was going on, and I was kinda suppressing stuff.
Not saying that’s what happens with you, I have no idea! I’m just sharing because I thought it might be interesting for you. And also because I just overshare sometimes!
If you were to ask me my opinion - and feel free to disagree or just ignore this, as it’s totally personal and way beyond my business - I’d say the best reason to get therapy around this isn’t because you want to have the coping mechanism available, but rather because if you’re not able to express or access the full range of emotions and process them in a healthy way, then your experience of life is kind of incomplete. This was something I discussed in therapy - why would I want to feel negative emotions, anyways? Why would anyone want to be sad or scared or angry? And from a logical perspective yes they’re helpful emotions, but aside from that, if you’re living life without that, you’re not experiencing the fullness of life, you know?
Again, I’m sure our situations are totally different, but I thought my perspective might be interesting or helpful for you.
It has helped me a lot. The reason I went into it was to come to terms with living with my disabilities and so on, and just to kind of stop hating myself so much, and in that respect, it really helped a lot. And I learned a lot about myself - some things I like, some things I dislike. My life is so much better for having gone through it in many ways, things that I wouldn’t have really thought about if it wasn’t for therapy. I have always thought of myself as quite self aware but it really made me see that what I thought of as self awareness was really kind of just self-loathing, and that I wasn’t really aware of lots of things going on in my head. I’d really recommend it to anyone, it was a very worthwhile experience.
I see. I'll think about it, thank you for the insight, and the kind words :)