this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
468 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

12295 readers
1714 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/28088684

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

🤣

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 43 points 1 day ago (3 children)

They're going to release completely absurd and hilarious conspiracy theories and the regular followers of InfoWars who didn't know about the change of ownership won't even see the difference.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They start selling dick pills that are slightly larger every month until they are the size of a bar of soap. Anyone who complains is told they aren't 'man' enough to take their dick pills.

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

"I've got good news for you. It's a suppository"

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

"Potatoes are source of smelly alien goo, if left in back of pantry unattended for 3 months"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!"

[–] TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Conspiracy crap tends to be pretty absurd as it is. Comping up with writings that surpass that level of stupidity and insanity is not a trivial task. Hats off to anyone who can come up with anything that competes with lizard people or flat earth fantasies.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Birds: Are they real?

Forget the second shooter theory, the real conspiracy was that there was a second JFK. The one you saw die was just a lab grown clone.

[–] mister_flibble@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

JFK's head just did that