this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
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Men's Liberation

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I was made to hang out with my partner's friend's new boyfriend (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by 6daemonbag@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/mensliberation@lemmy.ca
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The only thing I knew about him was that he works in construction, because his work shirt said as much haha. I had no idea how to relate to the guy. Or even start a conversation.

Man do I say? I haven't watched sports in forever and that normally always works. I wonder if he has kids. I can jokingly talk shit about my kids all day, but if I start with that he'll think I'm fucking crazy!

Is he not drinking bud light because of politics or because the yeungling was at the top of the ice chest? He looks like he works out- should I ask him about it? Fuck, I don't know shit about gyms. How do I follow that up?

Damnit I hate parties. Is he thinking the exact same thing as me? All my partner's friend's partners are country boys and this always happens. Why is this so hard? A third of my friends are country as fuck

"So, you listen to music?"

Fuck I'm an idiot

15 minutes of the awkward silence that comes from a dash of regular anxiety and a heap of how-masculine-do-I-need-to-be-right-now-to-relate-to-a-new-human-male.

Sorry if this isn't appropriate for this sub but I like the concept and want to see more engagement and also this just happened.

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[–] spaduf@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago

While I agree with everything you said, I think the major problem here is the assumption that being men is enough commonality to supersede literally everything else. When you're not sure if you have similar perspectives on masculinity this can quickly turn into a minefield. Particularly in more conservative areas. The strategies described here, while likely effective, can very quickly become detachment and other maladaptive coping mechanisms if you find yourself in this situation frequently and are overly concerned with presenting in "acceptably" masculine ways.