Men's Liberation
This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Rules
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
Be productive
Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.
Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:
- Build upon the OP
- Discuss concepts rather than semantics
- No low effort comments
- No personal attacks
Assume good faith
Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.
No bigotry
Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.
No brigading
Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.
Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
Related Communities
!feminism@beehaw.org
!askmen@lemmy.world
!mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world
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You're jumping too far ahead.
The key to social grace is letting things be organic
You introduce yourself. You maybe say who you're there with, then maybe ask how the new person met the person you know. This gives you a point of connection to start from that's always going to be present at gatherings large or small. The new person is already connected to you by the already familiar people. So you build on that and allow the conversation to flow from that.
Easy peasy. You don't have to worry about anything except the moment. If new dude is a talker, problem solved because they're going to keep going and all you have to do is listen. If they aren't, then you know to hang back a bit and still listen while letting their flow ebb at its own pace.
It's really not for a lot of people. Unless you somehow believe they're all struggling with something that's actually easy for them.
It is easy. People just doubt themselves and fear social rejection so much that they make it hard.
Don't get me wrong, I had to climb out of that place to get to the point where I could discover how easy it is. But it really is easy to do once you know that it's all about being willing to listen instead of dreading having to speak. You just ride the flow once you push off.
Just to kind of push back on this, you're probably taking in and processing a bunch of information about your interactions subconsciously. Not all of us are able to do that effectively despite our best efforts.
It may be simple, but it really isn't easy for everyone.
Yeah, I can see that the easy part isn't a term that everyone is going to accept. Simple might be better, or perhaps just achievable. And neuro-atypicality is a barrier to things.
I will maintain that the process of learning to do it isn't hard in and of itself. It's largely a matter of unlearning things that hold us back.
And, I think that once the initial decision to shift the mind is made, the rest is easy enough, though the timeline may make it seem otherwise. It's no harder than a skill like flint knapping. Once you decide to develop a skill, you have a learning curve, and then you just get better over time by practice. You still run into individual abilities determining how fast that happens, and how skilled you become, but it's that initial hump that's the barrier to entry.
While I agree with everything you said, I think the major problem here is the assumption that being men is enough commonality to supersede literally everything else. When you're not sure if you have similar perspectives on masculinity this can quickly turn into a minefield. Particularly in more conservative areas. The strategies described here, while likely effective, can very quickly become detachment and other maladaptive coping mechanisms if you find yourself in this situation frequently and are overly concerned with presenting in "acceptably" masculine ways.