this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
1035 points (96.8% liked)
The Onion
4467 readers
1659 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Honestly it's not off the table and it would be easier than completely overhauling our firearm sale/posession systems. Have a box of them in a classoom in case of emergency, just like having a fire extinguisher or first aid kit.
Soft armor doesn't stop rifle rounds. Plate carriers are heavy and suck to move around in. Sizing is another issue since most are made for men not kids. But maybe it would be a good investment since they can be stored and reused for quite a while
You realize you sound insane, right? Plate carriers? For kids? Come on, they all already have backpacks. We just issue each kid with a ballistic plate and tuck them in there. Maybe some anti-spalling pads too. Sure it might be a little heavier, but think of the exercise they'd get! We can call it "No Child Shot From Behind"!
No no no we just fill the plates with tannerite and ball bearings so as soon as a shooter hits a backpack the shooter is taken out AND ends the suffering of the victims!
I'm just imagining the chain reaction if a bunch of kids are together.