Ask Lemmy

This isn't a blanket statement, but I have, in the past, been introduced to women in my friend group, and talked to them like I would anybody else. But for whatever reason, they get the idea that I'm hitting on them. I can see it in their body language, the way they bring up their significant other (Like, really? I was just introduced to both of you 5 minutes ago?), among others. They make it out like "how could you be hitting on me?" and I'm like, asking about a band she brought up? I wasn't even remotely attracted to her, I was just trying to be friendly, but her demeanor made it seem like she thought I was some insensitive asshole, and it hurt. I excused myself and just fuckin left. I had only gotten there like 20 minutes beforehand.

Another time I was introduced to a woman while we were helping a friend move. This girl I was into (she ranted about recycling <3), and I was planning on asking her out once we were done for the day, but as we were talking, she mentioned her significant other, so I didn't. After we'd finished loading something into the moving truck, I said "hey so, thanks for mentioning your significant other back there, saved me a bit of awkwardness haha." To this, she took offense, and challenged me, "what do you mean? what are you talking about?" like, hands on hips, wide eyes, "how dare you" attitude... and I was dumbfounded. Here I was, thanking her for stopping me from embarrassing myself by asking out a girl that was in a relationship, and I was getting the third degree from it! At this point I didn't know whether it would make the matter worse if I confessed I had almost asked her out, so I just blankly stared, mouth agape (dumbfounded, like I said). I eventually excused myself and went back to loading the truck. Avoided her like the plague since then.

These were just two myopic incidents, probably lasted 5 minutes in total each, but it affected me in such a way that I basically cut myself out from the entire social circle, and only ever hang out with a guy friend that's kind.

However, I feel the need to add a disclaimer so you don't get me wrong.

I've also gone through a lot of personal growth recently, and in the endeavor to understand myself and my sexuality (Go Fightin' Bi's!), I've encountered scenarios that help me understand women better. I've had guy friends who only acted like my friend because they wanted to sleep with me. That hurts, and it makes me feel cheap. Once I tell them definitely "No," or they realize I'm not interested, they stop interacting with me. It's like, is that all I was in your eyes? Some thing to fuck? And even getting to the point where I'd tell these guys "No," was excruciating! I don't want to lose a friendship, or hurt them by saying "No," I'm just not interested! Makes it hard to engage with my fellow LGBT peeps, when I feel like I'm just going to be pushed into hurting someones feelings. This led me to ghost some guys, and I'm not proud of it. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when someone is flirty or compliments me, that's nice and can be a real ego boost! But when I'm using all my body language to say "thanks but no thanks," and you are still uncomfortably close? or touching the small of my back like it's nonchalant or something? fucking GROSS.

Additionally, I have an elderly, disabled, female neighbor that I used to help out a lot. Whenever she needed something done around the house, she'd come over and I'd take care of it for her. She is an old pot head, so she'd even smoke me up! We'd pass a joint while watching Amos and Andy or whatever was on TV, it was a nice relationship. Then, once I became single, it got worse. Before, after I fixed her fridge, she wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek, and it came uncomfortably close to my lips. Then she started standing in the doorway while I came inside, so I'd have to press past her to get in. Then she'd touch my arm, leg, small of my back when I was doing chores for her. It got to the point where she would wait till I was high, and then ask how big my dick was, and if I'd let her go down on me. Just repulsive behavior. I've since stopped helping her, and always decline her offers to smoke, despite missing how we used to be.

All of this to say, guys get sexually harassed, Guys get sexually abused, and Guys get unfairly depicted as predators in hurtful ways. But also, girls get sexually harassed, Girls get sexually abused, and Girls get unfairly depicted as cold honey pots in hurtful ways.

What we should all do is try to be more kind.