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Although it helps with alliteration, Vance never made sergeant and left as a corporal (E-4).
Corporal Scribbles also works
Corporal Crayons?
Corporal Couch reporting for booty.
That's an extremely generous definition of booty if it includes furniture 😂
Reporting for doilies?
Edit: ribbed for his pleasure and absorbent for easy cleanup!
Crayons is a brotherly insult. Marines own it and make jokes with it because they know their sibling services use it the same way their brother would, with a smile and expecting the same back at them.
Corporal Camera would work though.