this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
7 points (100.0% liked)

Ask Men

1259 readers
1 users here now

A community to ask men questions and discuss any and all issues relating to them.

Unlocking Perspectives, Advice, and Empowerment for Men Everywhere.

Rules

Follow the rules of lemmy.world, which can be found here.

Additionally:

  1. Be respectful and inclusive.
  2. No harassment, hate speech, or trolling.
  3. Engage in constructive discussions.
  4. Share relevant content.
  5. Follow guidelines and moderators' instructions.
  6. Use appropriate language and tone.
  7. Report violations.
  8. Foster a continuous learning environment.

Notes

P.S, Would you like to help with moderating AskMen? Send a PM to the top mod.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
all 27 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Hazdaz@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The idea that men make more than women for similar jobs with similar experience is a myth that needs to die.

The idea was based on flawed data from the get-go, but it has persisted because it is an easy way to rile up the troops.

[–] azayrahmad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah if companies need to pay men more than women for the same job then why hire men at all?

[–] Hazdaz@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's a damn good point. But then again, good luck getting Susan in accounting to refill the water dispenser.

[–] azayrahmad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well, Susan there is qualified in accounting, not in refilling dispenser. Companies got to hire someone able to do that, or put "occasionally refilling water dispenser" in the accounting job description.

[–] Hazdaz@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

And yet Larry in accounting can be tasked with refilling the water bottle once in a while, or being asked to clear the jammed copier because, you know, that's guys stuff, or grabbing that stack of paper from the top shelf and it's perfectly fine.

[–] ClarissaXDarjeeling@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Whoo boy.

I used to work in the financial industry, specifically in a program geared toward women (trying to make financial services more approachable and inclusive). Much of their published "educational" material is about the harsh financial realities of being a woman, and the writers keep repeating this falsehood ... as if the phrase "controlled pay gap" is profanity.

Don't get me wrong, we should still be mindful of bias. We should acknowledge the pressure on women to take career breaks as caretakers (and, on the flip side, the pressure on men to be primary wage earners). And it's perfectly valid to question whether pink collar work is undervalued and underpaid because these are traditionally female occupations.

But the women I worked with (most of them VPs in finance) simply preferred to believe that they were underpaid because of their gender. No matter what dollar figure you offered, no matter the industry/company/job role/etc., they would firmly believe that having a penis = 20% pay bump.

Like ... that's not how averages work ??

[–] Hazdaz@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

harsh financial realities of being a woman

We live in a time when everyone wants to be a victim.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 7 months ago

I think anger feels more safe than sadness or fear, and not just for men. If you make an injustice narrative to elements of your life, you get to paint the surrounding moments with anger. It removes some of the sadness and fear from the hours of your day.

Also anger’s a directing-forward emotion. Anger motivates a person toward a thing, whereas fear motivates away. And sadness demotivates.

Anger is literally some people’s fuel for the day, because their desire isn’t strong enough to motivate them forward.

In order to have desire moving one forward, one needs a clear picture of what they want. But our world is so complex and fast-changing, that pictures of desired future states are hard to form.

As the world gets more complex, replacing the goal with an enemy allows one to keep moving forward without having to keep re-evaluating the goal.

With an enemy the goal is simple: warfare makes sense to us.

With something that would create stent desire, the goal is complex: good health and being of a certain role in the community and etc etc.

If people make simple desire goals, it can work. But they’re less profound so less powerful. “I want to have a red truck”. A person can work toward that but soon you have the truck and oh gee that’s nice but it’s not very fulfilling.

Having an enemy is simple, but hard. Which is perfect, because it lets you keep your eye on the same ball for a long time and build up momentum chasing it.

[–] teraflopsweat@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That anyone has their life together. Everyone is just winging it for the most part.

[–] Jackolantern@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

So true. I hope more people realize this so that we can be kinder to each other.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 7 months ago

Yeah but there are degrees of having one’s life together.

[–] TheBananaKing@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That it's good, necessary or acceptable to cut bits off your baby's genitals.

[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

that andrew tate is an “alpha male” and its a good way to live/behave.

that chinless fuck is ruining a large disenfranchised group of men

[–] dragontamer@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As someone who completely missed this Andrew Tate thing, does anyone have a good summary for me?

[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

man who things being a misogynist is how you get women. incels love him. charges people for his “courses”

[–] 4am@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Also had a course on how to get girls to become cam girls for you using the “lover boy” method. Currently under house arrest and awaiting trial in Romania for human trafficking.

In recent years he’s been doing YT streams where he tells young men who are afraid about the state of the world that they’re pathetic and they just need to be more like him; and basically hate women because they caused all their problems.

Essentially hems a criminal shitbag that thinks he’s a genius and everyone else is stupid and is convinced it’s true as evidenced by the fact that his scams made him rich.

[–] dragontamer@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like this is a subject I can happily be ignorant of.

So is he one of those Mens Rights Activists? Or within that circle or so?

[–] Blamemeta@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

No, he is not. Hes a human trafficker and a scum bag.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

That you can grow up and be anything you want.

Yeah, there are still people telling the lie, and still people believing it

[–] Auduras@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Chris Rock said it best and it has always stuck with me:

"Stop telling kids they can be anything they want to be. You can be anything you're good at, as long as they're hiring."

Surely it's like that line from Rattatuille, "not everybody can become a great chef, but a great chef can come from anywhere"

So in a sense it's true that you can grow up to become anything, but there's an unspoken caveat that the above is only true if you can overcome your own personal economic/societal/mental/physical/geographical obstacles.

[–] lanolinoil@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

That thing is more about collapsing options as time moves on though. When you're a kid you really can be 'anything' ignoring social and economic stuff. The probability curve is pretty open to anything at that point though. Once you're thirty it feels squarely like that is less true and my options are clearer but more limited.

It's scary but also awesome that you have so many open doors as a kid and adults that say this are mostly envying something they've lost and didn't appreciate or see until later

[–] dragontamer@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

EDIT: The myth that peeing is a precise art that our organs can successfully aim all of the time.

There's all kinds of "spray patterns" that the organ produces. Its the skill of the adult human who has mastered their organ and has figured out the peeing patterns to successfully hit the toilet in most cases, although there are some patterns that contradict other patterns which means there's always a chance you (hopefully temporarily) miss the toilet until your aim readjusts.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

A few years back I started sitting to pee, and my god it's so much better. No worries about it spraying everywhere, you don't have to pay any attention, just sit and pee. I still pee in urinals when out in public of course, but at home it's all sit all the time.

[–] tbblake@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Ugh when the center sticks and you have two streams going in vastly different directions….

[–] metic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That society was completely built around men’s prerogatives and therefore anything bad about society should be blamed on men.