this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Today I am going to tell you what I am most afraid of.... here we go.
>Be me
>Be about a 6/10
>Just move into a new neighborhood and have no friends
>Be outside mowing the lawn when random dog runs up to me
>Look up and a 9/10 is running after it
>Help her get dog back, introduce ourselves
>Become very good friends
>Eventually begin dating
>Fast forward about two months
>New girl moves in
>eh about a 7/10, would boink
>Try to be polite and introduce myself to new girl
>New girl and I start to become friends too, even though she seems a little odd
>Tell her i have a girlfriend, can see she is (literally) insanely jealous
>Fast forward two more weeks
>Start to see less and less of my girlfriend and at the same time new girl starts to become even more of a psycho bitch
>Fast forward 4 days
>Get a random Facebook message from my girlfriend saying that 7/10 threatened to kill my girlfriend if she ever talked to me again
>wtf.jpeg
>Fast forward one more week
>Do not hear or see either girl since that message on facebook, start growing very worried
>Random knock on my door, Its the cops
>Shows me picture of two girls asking if I know them
>Say yes, getting more worried
>Cops tell me that 7/10 committed suicide and remains of my girlfriend showed up in her stomach during the autopsy

TL:DR why was the 6 afraid of the 7? Because 7 ate 9

top 23 comments
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[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 134 points 8 months ago

oh you motherfu-

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 116 points 8 months ago (4 children)
[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 63 points 8 months ago

You know it's a good dad joke when you're literally fucking angry at the punch line.

[–] petersr@lemmy.world 29 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

You knew it was fake/going to be a joke when anon got a girlfriend so easily.

[–] mom@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I don’t get it. Can you explain?

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 8 points 8 months ago

It's a kids' joke. "Seven eight nine" sounds like "seven ate nine".

Seven eight nine

[–] arin@lemmy.world 3 points 8 months ago

Anon would be the best father

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 85 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Man I can just feel the 2013.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 42 points 8 months ago

I’d go older but compression and SEO drift have all but obliterated them.

[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 50 points 8 months ago

Dude. You have Stockholm syndrome. 9 was a registered 6 offender all along.

[–] adj16@lemmy.world 26 points 8 months ago

This is a masterpiece

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 23 points 8 months ago

Goddamnit. Take your upvote and leave.

[–] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 20 points 8 months ago

What a twist!!

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 20 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I yet have to find proofs a yandere like this exists

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 32 points 8 months ago

Be the change you want to see in the world.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 6 points 8 months ago

Are you accusing School Days of lying to me?

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I'm so glad I skipped to the tldr

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 8 points 8 months ago

Oh my god. Anon was just trying to be friends and because of that, a terrible crime occurred that will change his life forever

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] arin@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

My fictional tears be flying

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago

It sounds like a pitch for a Takashi Miike film

[–] JonsJava@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

Live a good feghoot