AnarchyChess

1. All kings must be placed in checkmate. This is in recognition of multiple redundancy with failover.
2. Knights cannot be captured by pawns. It’s ridiculous. You’re talking about a guy in armor riding a horse with both lance and sword versus a peasant wearing a shirt at best armed with a pointy stick. Literally the entire point of armor was that you could walk around mowing down peasants until your arms got tired.
3. Queens slay, and can only be slayed by queens. See RuPaul’s Drag Race.
4. I’m not even going to get into the Howl’s Moving Castle pieces except to note that if the enemy didn’t bring siege equipment, they’re pretty fucked.

Black plays guillotine to E4

There is actually a chess variant quite similar:

https://images.prismic.io/lichess/17927bb6-8bb6-4836-8cc7-3098597ad39d_HordeStart.jpeg?auto=compress,format&rect=0,0,1028,1028&w=500&h=500

It produces quite balanced games

You can play here: https://lichess.org/6aX06QRw

Black wins after 21 moves.

Um...cHaRgE!

Ka3xb5

Casual commenter stopping through!

I'm not skilled at chess, but this was fun to think about. If you were truly inviting speculation, that is-

Assuming the game goes til the white kings are dealt with or all black pawns are dead - white wins easily.

If the winning condition was to capture any singular king, we might have a thrilling match

Are all pawns allowed to survive otherwise regular rules and have an option to upgrade to King?

Because if not, it appears the game already starts off at a checkmate.. ☹️

I'm curious about the analogy when it comes to pawn promotion. I'm thinking 'animal farm', if a pawn somehow makes it to the end they change color. Also I believe if acted properly white would win (given another rank of pawns, or pawns lined up touching the other pieces, pawns would have a much better chance).

Pwned

Shouldn't there be a single row of white pawns also, though?

Interesting example of zugzwang for white.

2 black pieces can move per turn?

Black already lost when they sacrificed their king.