Nothing says buy seal penises like... Taylor swift?
Is the simulation collapsing into a Swift-ularity? She's suddenly at the center of everything, including seal meat. Wtf
this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2024
164 points (88.3% liked)
Not The Onion
12306 readers
1201 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Is the simulation collapsing into a Swift-ularity?
Certainly seems so.
Taylor Swift is the only important person in the world according to the news.
I mean I like her music, but if you asked me a couple of years ago who's going to be shaking the world in 2024, definitely wouldn't say Taylor Swift.
I don't think I've ever heard a single song of hers.
You probably don't know which ones are hers, but that's like saying you've never heard a Michael Jackson or Beatles song. They're everywhere and you'd have to avoid music in public altogether to avoid it, she has songs everywhere.
load more comments
(3 replies)
If your young, it's not that difficult to avoid music.
But she was huge like 20 years ago as a country singer, went to pop, and now makes slightly more grown up pop.
If you're over 30 and American you've 100% heard one of her songs because radio was still a thing back then.
I'm glad I wouldn't really be able to tell if the pop song is hers by just listening to it. But then I stopped listening to pop in high school and radio stations once MP3 players could hold more than 3 grindcore albums at a time.
load more comments
(3 replies)
You can only get so famous before the seal penis lobby come after you.
...you die a hero or you live long enough to become the seal penis?
As ridiculous as this story is on its own, the Taylor Swift comment was obviously a joke. The guy was testifying that Russians and celebrities were spreading "misinformation" about seal hunting, and that they needed to counter that with a PR campaign of their own. And the official said "(since Ryan Reynolds is out) we're targeting the Swifties" as the target demographic, and laughed that Swift might endorse the seal hunt.
She was name dropped because she's the most famous celebrity at the moment, to highlight the absurdity of the idea, not because the idea has merit. It's still a funny story about seal murder. The author of the article even has a statement from the official buried in the last paragraph that says "obviously, that was a joke you dipshits" or something. I'm paraphrasing.
Edited to accurately describe what she said.
It's still a funny story about seal murder
Murder? I'll have you know that was sealf defense, when he threatened me with the malice in his eyes, his fate was sealed.
On a side note what's the going rate for a seal penis. I sealiously don't want to keep it.
Do you know how many magazines Time sold when they made her person of the year?
She's the only thing keeping the news industry alive.
Is the simulation collapsing into a Swift-ularity?
Honestly, I would be okay with that. We could do a lot worse.
Canadians need to realize that eating seal is as normal as eating a lamb chop or a veal sandwich,” added Kolga.
Am I having a stroke? What? What the fuck is going on with this article?
Who talks about fucking veal sandwiches like it's an every day thing? I've never in my life seen seal meat for sale, not heard of anyone having tried it.
Been Canadian my whole 50 years, have never seen seal meat. Not even in gourmet grocers who sell wild animal meats. The local deli does sell veal parm though.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Have you never fucked a veal sandwich?
Highly recommended, especially if it’s freshly clubbed and still warm.
The seal industry lobby apparently
they dont even make a case of what benefit this provides besides money for specifically them. Go into a different industry if consumers dont want what you're selling.
But... What if clubbing baby seals is their calling? /s
load more comments
(4 replies)
seal meat is a thing?
Yeah, otherwise they wouldn't be much more than skeletons.
here in the states, 'clubbing baby seals' is a basic euphemism for 'evil'
its beyond strange to hear there is not only a market for seal meat, but that it is flat out an accepted industry. i have no horse in this race though, id eat it.. or the horse
I remember habing a T-shirt Hell shirt that showed two baby seals in swanky attire dancing under a disco ball, with the words "Stop Clubbing Baby Seals" in glittery rhinestones.
Haha I just checked and not only does that site still exist it looks exactly the same as I remember from like 20 years ago
I've had horse a couple of times. It's pretty good.
What would you compare it to?
That's a good question. It's kind of it's own thing, kind of gamey though. It's not got much fat in it. This being said, horse isn't produced for consumption in my country and as such the meat is procured from horses that have lived life as pets pretty much exclusively.
load more comments
(4 replies)
Yes. Normally sold internationally beacuse the market in Canada is rather small.
The people who hunt seals have been trying to boost domestic consumption for years.
load more comments
(1 replies)
She really needs to just put the whole music thing on hold and help us with literally everything else, apparently.
What in the fuck is this article. Its like a bad joke, what does seal penises and taylor swift have in common?
load more comments
(1 replies)
We're sure this isn't a satire site?
How is seal meat still an industry? We have no need for seal anything, we aren't Inuit people living way up north or some shit.
Fucking capitalism will murder anything it can.
Is this Ottawa’s version of “The Onion”?
canada is like an onion source: am canadian
Literally. Canadian news is just American news two weeks behind.
And without all the school shootings and it has healthcare. Id say its america premium
load more comments
(1 replies)
Naw, that's the Beaverton.
I was expecting that they wanted Taylor to speak out against seal meat, not endorse seal penis meat.
Naw. It’s them seal penises, gotta sell the aphrodisiac; and who better than T Swift?
load more comments
(1 replies)
Why are we talking about Russia when my Ontario elementary school showed videos of the seal hunt? I vividly remember that happening with a strong: this is wrong take.
Is she going to eat all those seal pensises herself? Come on Taylor, share!
Lol why in the fuck would she agree to that? I'd be surprised if she wasn't vegan already.
And by the way, I kept being told that seal hunt and meat was for native populations to use and such. Now it's become a corporate market? How is that tradition?
This is curbing on the plot of an episode of Elementary from, like, 5 or 6 years ago.
It was ridiculous then too. 
The Burns Omni-Net sweeps the sea clean!
What the fuck did I just read?
view more: next ›