Fuck Cars

A dart monkey would do a number on those tires

I was reading the chic fil a guys biography in a thrift store other day. It opens with how he was going to give a guy a free car, but recorded the "you get a car" message at the end of 3 consecutive cassette tapes of Christian preacher sermons. Presumably, that's, what, between 3 and 6 hours worth of church to have a chance to catch the message that you get a free car?

Then the guy didn't listen to them all the way through so didn't get a car.

The guy was essentially orphaned from an abusive home and walked hours to work every day. The chic fil a guy was like "what an unfortunate story!"

motherfucker you tricked him like some kind of goblin

Plus it's not just about total time between "I want food" and "Nom nom". There's also the matter of how usable that time is. On a good day it might only take me a few minutes longer to get fast food, but all of that time is spent behind the wheel and most of it is spent driving. Making a sandwich at home, on the other hand, only about a minute is spent actively handling food. The other seventeen minutes while the patty cooks are free; I can it spend doing anything I please. So instead of comparing twenty minutes for fast food vs. eighteen minutes for DIY, it's really more like twenty minutes vs. one minute.

Chick-Fil-A has been around more than my whole life. I remember going there as a kid in the mall. I remember going there as an adult in the mall.

At no time eating at Chick-Fil-A do I once recall thinking to myself "goddamn, this is exceptional!" It's a chicken sandwich. It's not particularly good or bad, and I am not into waffle fries.

At no time eating at Chick-Fil-A did I once think "this line is too long, I will eat elsewhere." I don't recall ever seeing a line at all.

Long about 1986 they started making standalone locations, but I never saw any until the 2000s. I never went, because I had long since decided that mediocre chicken sandwiches weren't really my thing. However, since I first noticed the standalone locations I have also noticed that their lines have consistently gotten longer and longer. It's interesting that the growth of these lines seem to have coincided with the rise of social media, but I won't get too tinfoil-hatty here.

So anyway. One day, I decided I should give them a try - obviously, they're getting something right, right? Let's see what all the hype is about.

Yeah no, it's the exact same mediocre shit. It's fine. It's not great, it's OK for fast food, maybe even slightly above average. But is it good enough to wait in a line like this that wraps around the building twice? No, thank you.

So I guess what I am saying is, I'm with you. I have to figure it's the power of marketing, because the only thing they've done that I can see is increase their marketing. Also their marketing - at least the public marketing (who knows what guerilla shit they do on social media to keep those lines growing) - is super weird. Cows exhorting you to eat chicken, because they don't want to die. I suppose given that cows have no messiah, this is a perfectly reasonable position for them to hold in the eyes of the Chick-Fil-A Illuminati, but idk.

Want a chicken sandwich? I can name half a dozen local shops that will hook you up with better. Is it fast? Jesus Christ, no. The apologists say yes, given the size of the lines, but I say no, given the size of the lines. I guess that's a matter of perspective.

What's not disputable is that this is fast food that, like all fast food - you can honestly live better without.

An American fast food restaurant with two drive-through lines wrapping entirely around the building, along with at least 10 curb-side pickup parking spots. At least 48 visible vehicles waiting for their christian bigotry-flavored chicken sandwiches and nuggets (Chick-Fil-A is the name of the restaurant).

Exactly, why would you wait in line for drive-in when you can just park your car and order inside? I thought the concept of drive-in was invented to save time, not waste it.

Uuuuuggghhh, are you suggesting i get out of my car?!? 😑

What, leave my car?? It's dangerous out there!

Odd choice to pick an example with frequent crowd crushes.

We call it "Hate Chicken".

In my opinion, this should be illegal or businesses fined. Their drive thru leaks onto public infrastructure (the road) reducing its throughput and potentially creating a dangerous situation.

In WA they've had to close one because morons would back up onto the street, down an offramp, and onto the freaking interstate. For a chicken sandwich.

Of course it's in a non-walkable spot, across the interstate from all of the businesses and offices so everyone drives there

it says something very interesting that the chik-fil-faithful swear up and down it's the tastiest thing ever when it's weak soggy breaded no spice bland ass whitemeat with a fuckin' pickle.

makes me wonder if they've either never had decent chicken, or are just lying because this one chicken vendor stans for xtians lol

You'd think so, but Chic Fil A is insanely fast to the point where sitting in line probably faster than the walk and wait.