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Trust me... Pick an apple and read the review (applerankings.com)

submitted 1 year ago by lumi@beehaw.org to c/humor@beehaw.org

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An excerpt from Red Delicious:

Oh how the mighty have fallen! Believe it or not, the coffee grinds in a leather glove known as “The Red Delicious Apple” was once a robust firebrand credited with reinventing the apple from mere cider-fruit into a full-fledged lunch-worthy sidepiece. It even won the Stark Brothers apple contest in 1894. Likely your great-grandma’s favorite apple, this once flavorful Prometheus has been mass-produced into desolation.

Nowadays, you can find this thick-skinned, flavorless, mealy imposter unwashed in a dirty wicker basket on the floor of a convenience store. What a sad state of affairs. It’s time to hang them up old man, your time has passed.

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[–] nhgeek@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago

Old Reddit quality post (I mean peak Reddit not the dystopia its quickly becoming). Awesome site! Very funny and useful. Thanks for posting.

[–] NeonSkies@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago

As an enjoyer of apples, I feel seen :D So very many mediocre ones out there, and yet they keep hanging on!

[–] FrickAndMortar@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

Now here’s someone who is passionate about his hand-fruits!

[–] Lenguador@kbin.social 3 points 1 year ago

Clearly they're just ragging on every apple because they didn't rank Fuji as the best. What's the point of a list if they're just going to blatantly lie?

[–] anxietysloth@beehaw.org 3 points 1 year ago

My favorite apple is opal so that's the first one I looked up when I came across this website a few weeks ago. I didn't know what to expect but definitely not what I found. 10/10 website

[–] GeneParmesan@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

He also does video reviews of the apples on TikTok

[–] Gork@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Tried the Cosmic Crisp a few years ago but I think it lives up to its hype. I agree through, the Red Delicious apple is a mealy textured mess of a fruit.

[–] JuniperusVox@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

I worked on a apple orchard, and I couldn't disagree with this list more lol. They're also missing the best apple ever: Cox's Orange Pippin

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