Not having an insta isn't weird or what turned her off - being fucking creepy and weird about it then lying is what turned her off... Jesus

Being active on a social network is not the same as having a social life - meet people, make friends, and make an effort to reach out to them. THAT's having a social life

Do you have an insta?

No.

Problem solved.

having a privacy oriented mindset online doesn't make you antisocial in person though. This post makes it sound like you need an Instagram account to be a valid human but like, why is that even important?

I feel like this is similar to being a non drinker, or atheist, or not into clubs, or not into drugs, etc. You will sort of limit your social circle because of what you're not interested in doing. Privacy is the same. The question is - do you want to make new friends who are into those things? If so, then your have to moderate your views and be part of that scene.

That's straight up the actions of the people who are the reason women need to think about privacy for real life reasons instead of just idealistic principles.

Being a creep will definitely affect your social life.

That doesn't sound like her getting spooked because you didn't have an insta, it sounds like she got spooked because instead of being straight up and going "I mean, I do, but it's old and I never really used it at all" you got weird and made up some weird BS about it.

And I know it's that because not only would it make me raise an eyebrow if some random did something like that to me, I always tell people "Unless you've got a Whatsapp, its either text me or call me. The two social medias i have are ancient, I barely used em in the past, and the logins are lost to time I'm pretty sure." Never given people weird vibes or anything by being honest like that, and we more often than not have a pretty nice time.

Also, being mindful of one's privacy does not make said person anti-social. I'm pretty protective of mine, but i still reach out and talk to my friends and family near daily via face to face or messaging, am pretty receptive to a stranger or acquaintance wanting to have a chat or a coffee with me after work, all that jazz. That I don't like the thought of Meta, Samsung, Google, and Microsoft snooping around people's info, trivial as it may or may not be and thus distince myself from them (within reason, mind. I can cut myself off completely, but that'd be making both life, work, and everything inbetween too much of an unnecessary hassle), doesn't diminish any of that.

And in this debacle, I don't WISH to be anti-social, I'm anti-social but not in a voluntary manner. I'm in my prime years and I need friends and relationships at this age but my privacy standpoint is mangling with those.

But so this isn't a conundrum you chose. That's why people here are so into privacy. Instagram is social, sure, but is that the kind of socializing you want? Really? We know it's bad for the mental health of teenage girls. What's to desire about that? What's to desire about the algorithm that actively tries to make you hooked on the app?

These are the kinds of questions behind the privacy communities, among others.

Also, don't lie to women. Extreme things usually only look extreme until a person understands them. Explain yourself and give them an opportunity to come around and/or be willing to make compromises. Having an Instagram account you use every now and then to verify your humanity in a virtual world seems reasonable to me.

Choosing to prioritize privacy will definitely affect your online social life—especially if you’re trying to get to know real people using your real identity. Privacy-centered communities are not the ones you should be blaming, however. This is just the unfortunate state of the Internet, and privacy communities simply make us aware of that truth.

A lot of us here are trying to find ways to push back against regulations and groups of people that are violating our privacy before it gets to a place where we no longer have a choice. Going upstream is always more challenging and less convenient than going with the flow, but the hope is that it will be worth it in the long run.

If your online social life is more valuable to you than privacy, you have the total freedom to choose how you want to balance that. Just be careful of projecting your own experience on everyone else.

and every single one of my friends created accounts and hopped on to chat rooms

FOMO and Privacy usually do not mix well. Unless you can come out of "All my friends are doing it, so it must be cool" mindset, you will find it difficult to appreciate privacy.

You yourself said

and that social life also includes the use of social media apps

Note the keyword "includes". So Social Life is not JUST social media apps. As someone mentioned already, dating starts best with face to face interactions.

Have you tried the good old phone number exchange, may be to try out texting?

Lastly, if someone wants to understand the real me based on my Instagram profile and activities - I would stay away from that person. YMMV.

Why didn't you just say you don't have an Insta account, and just mention that you're just quite a private person (don't need to go too heavy into that on a first date)?
There are some people who care way too much about it, but I feel like most people would be more on guard because of the weird explanation for having one that barely exists than the lack of one at all.

The downvotes are because of the title and the example (cause yeah; just tell her "no"). I had to read the post three times to find them, but there are good points in there. I feel bad for you.

Social health is important, and if you think something is wrong, then something is wrong. Absolutely don't waste the prime of your life being alone Look at your city events, find clubs, get a dog and meet people at the dog park, volunteer, go to the gym, go to a skate park.

But

social life ≠ social media*

The caveat* is group chats. Being excluded from a basketball pickup-games chat because of privacy has no easy answer: either compromise on privacy to improve social health, or be alone. That is something that's not brought up in privacy communities, and I think it's wise of you to see that problem and not be afraid to bring it up.

For the rest of the social media though, that's absolutely not the case. It's well documented social media always caused poor mental health, the companies know it's bad, and they spend billions trying to cover it up.

So if you change your stance on social media, just remember: Followers and internet points are a horrible substitute for friendship.

Being a privacy-oriented person has forced me to interact with individuals in real life and not care about other people's opinions. I am not willing to compromise.

I feel like this is similar to being a non drinker, or atheist, or not into clubs, or not into drugs, etc. You will sort of limit your social circle because of what you're not interested in doing. Privacy is the same. The question is - do you want to make new friends who are into those things? If so, then your have to moderate your views and be part of that scene.

I agree and thats why threat models are important. Of course the more extreme models will lead to less interactions with strangers in this digital age. In hindsight, using a dating site should've been your first indication that maybe you should re-think your's. As for the friends argument, It should be stated that changing the contact method shouldn't be the deciding factor for a friendship to continue that just screams a red flag imo.

I truly have never said this before in my life, but you obviously need better game. If asking for a number is off the table, then you're already friendzoned...

I have no Facebook or Instagram etc and never had. And I have friends and meet people. I think people who are interested in you have no problem with your stand even changing the username all the time is a bit strange haha

I do agree having a privacy oriented mindset makes people more susceptible to not communicate with you due to not having social media like Snapchat and Instagram. It’s almost like people forget you.

But, it’s all good, just pick a hobby and run with it. I have been trying to learn programming.