this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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No one else can use it so maybe I can do some good with that money

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[–] MxRemy@lemmy.one 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Granted, but the wallet also has a secure notes function, and in those notes are links and passwords to cloud storage containing the most evil stuff you can imagine. You could do a LOT of good by reporting it, but you can't exactly explain how you got it in the first place. The authorities will surely believe it's yours.

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

Darn this one is good. I'd have to spend the money trying to find a way to fix those things and it still won't feel like enough

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Granted. All the passwords for all crypto wallets become publicly available.

[–] alex@jlai.lu 2 points 1 year ago

Hey, that's my wish!

[–] tkk13909@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 year ago

The cryptocurrency becomes worthless right before you can exchange any of it.

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You are provided the details precisely as you wished, but not the wallet. You are consumed by greed losing everything you value in pursuit of lost billions searching for one more crypto wallet on which to test your key.

[–] afunkysongaday@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No offense but it's kinda funny how neither you nor op seem to understand how crypto wallets work.

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was thinking of asking for something like the wallet address / private key / encryption password but thought I might get snagged on a technicality. Decided to just ask for everything

[–] afunkysongaday@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes does not actually matter that much for this thought experiment anyways!

If we want to get technical: For most crypto currencies you only need a private key to gain access to a wallet. You don't need anything else, not even the address of that wallet! I just found the thought of someone going "I got the key to this btc wallet with one gazillion btc but I don't have the wallet it belongs too! Welp, nothing I can do about it I guess!" funny. 😁

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

Ah interesting, good to know 😄

If I ever find a private key, I'll come back here to split it with you

[–] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You gain access to the wallet with the most coins by number, not value

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This was in the back of my mind, but I wasn't sure how to word it to account for it.

welp.

That's probably still a free 100 bucks.

[–] Landmammals@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

You gain the password to a wallet containing a trillion TrumpCoins

[–] SirToxicAvenger@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

how many MAGAbux is that? is it a lot?