Self loathing is a bitch.
this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2023
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I know, I really hate myself for doing that
Lmao mood
, for example.
Lol right, not using the techniques we all know. Just for a friend, remind me, what's a good one?
Apparently you're supposed to distract yourself from negative emotions and ruminate on positive emotions. Not very useful if you don't have any positive emotions to ruminate on.
I constantly ruminate on the times my family went to Disneyland when I was growing up. It just makes me sad that it was so long ago and likely won't be the same if I go now :(
I get this too. It's like happiness causes grief for the fact that it doesnt last.
Another strategy is to make it a goal to find out. Plan a trip there and let yourself get excited about the possibility of it being just as fun. Chances are, it'll probably be fun, just in a different way than it was growing up.
Interesting result. The truth is nobody knows where their motivation comes from and it's why telling someone to 'cheer up' is well understood to be ineffective. The minimum requirement is a desire to change and that must come from within, motivated by some mysterious and inscrutable process. We can tell ourselves that eating vegetables is the right thing to do but why would I choose them over that delicious piece of cake? First I need to get cancer and the diabeetus, then I will become enlightened.
I should also add that realising that I am not the author of my thoughts and not in control of my motivation and that I don't have free will in the way I originally conceived it, has been a great consolation. I remind myself of these axioms every day because somehow they get lost in the clamour of daily life. My happiness depends on it.
It's because I don't deserve it
Hey ..... you do. *intense eyecontact
Everyone deserves to better themselves. That's the depression talking.
Wanna talk about it?
Who's that judge, and why do we pay attention to them?
Aside from deserving, let's talk about possibilities! What are the options?
An important research question is why depressed people use emotion-regulation strategies that do not help them experience more happiness. Though no consensus has been reached, perhaps the answer depends on the person and the nature of their mental illness. Having said that, here is a list of potential reasons:
- Feeling undeserving of happiness
- Fear of happiness (e.g., due to fear of loss or losing control)
- Having a goal other than to feel better
- The challenge of identifying the best regulation strategy in the middle of intense negative emotions
- The belief that emotional control is impossible
- The familiarity of negative moods
- The perception of negative emotions as more self-consistent than positive ones
- Ineffective strategies learned or reinforced by depressed family and friends
That list seems ridiculously incomplete. I expected to see something like "fear of being unprepared" -- which I guess could be part of "fear of losing control", but I don't think should be lumped under "fear of happiness". More specifically, if someone is in imminent physical danger, such as from a hurricane or earthquake, they should not be spending their time ruminating on better times nor distracting themselves from threats. In such a situation, one does not fear happiness, but has a more pressing issue to address. I suspect a good number of depressed people feel like that all the time. It isn't my field, so this is an uneducated observation from a small sample of friends and family, but the vibe I've always gotten is that the afflicted expect more bad stuff is headed their way and they feel the need to worry about it; to prepare; that ruminating on happy times would reduce their time and ability to cope with the coming threat. They feel they don't have time for irrelevant fluff when every day leaves them battered and bruised. Like a sailor on a storm tossed deck, their energy is directed at trying to maintain steady footing lest the next wave knock them over. Again, though, I am not an expert so y'all can tell me if I'm way off base.
Eli5. This just feels like a really long winded "stop being depressed dude" without my proper understanding of what they're trying to explain.
Yeah they didn't particularly explain anything or present much of the data from the paper the article was written about.
They posed several questions that may be helpful for depressed people but my tldr for the article was people with major depression disorder may be subject to some kind of suvivorship bias for bad memories vs good ones.
Basically depressed people may be less likely to notice/appreciate the good times and more likely to ruminate/get stuck on the bad times creating a viscious cycle
Possibly because they overuse distraction as a coping mechanism leading to them being more distracted during good times