So, is Satan so busy that he only gets to fuck once a year? Or is Halloween the one day of the year he's not practicing safe sex?
I never thought about this before, but it seems somehow important.
this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2023
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Also, "his bride"? Not his wife or girlfriend? Does he get married to a new person every year?
This whole situation feels too oddly wholesome for these people to be so upset. Straight? Check. Married? Check. Planned and wanted pregnancy from someone with a lot of power? Check! The father is the literal devil? Fuck that, apparently! Get out of here, you model-citizen demon!
Also, to whomever wrote that note: I'm glad y'all don't like walking in front of my house. You're literally the worse. I'd rather hang out with Satan and his bride than you judgmental prudes.
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Maybe it's a "bride of Frankenstein" thing. More of a title than anything.
Though this is the devil they're talking about. Satan could be getting divorced every year and remarrying, or just straight up adding a new "sister-wife" annually.
I legit have not thought this much about real world religion in years.
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You kind of HAVE TO have a Satan and bride honeymoon theme now don't you?
If the neighbors choose to use the mailbox like that, I don’t see how it couldn’t be viewed as a suggestion.
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One year I had a house party with around 80 people. The church across the street (uphill) called the cops on me - twice. So on Halloween I burned a pentagram into my front lawn with a cleaning agent iirc(?) for them to gaze down upon for the next two months until it snowed. They never bothered me again after that. It's good to set boundaries.
I'd have that framed and hang it up every year as a badge of honor. This person won Halloween 👏👏👏
I am a very concerned resident regarding your horrifying and demonic array every Halloween.
This is not a happy time of year.
In fact it is the time when Satan Impregnates his bride.
you need to consider what you are doing as it is affecting many of the neighbours in this area.
Some of us dread walking by your house
For anyone who wants to use this as a copypasta
"Satan impregnates his bride" is a new one. I hope the pregnancy goes well for them lol
Especially, as the sender is most likely anti-abortion.
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I'd adapt the decorations to include an unholy marriage theme.
Where the fuck does this "the time Satan impregnates his bride" shit come from.
A lot of these religious zealots tend to straight make shit up, usually about connections to hell/devil/Lucifer. Everything they don't like is somehow connected to Lucifer or Hell. It's usually a control mechanism.
I once had someone try to tell me that 'lol' meant 'league of Lucifer' as opposed to 'laugh out loud', which is ironically exactly what I did when I heard this.
It's almost like all religious shit is just made up to control people.
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i hate playing league of lucifer, i'm more of a dota guy (defense of the angels)
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If this isn't fake,
What gets me is, this is coming from a fundamentalist, but no where in the bible is Halloween mentioned. They're angry about fan fiction.
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Satan is married?
In what fictional D-list movie universe do they live in where satan impregnates a bride on Halloween?
Also I thought Satan was evil.. wouldnt it make more sense for him to impregnate someone who isn't his bride, perhaps even through non consensual means?
If you're going to be the face of evil might as well do the sin part properly.
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What's this about Satan's bride?
I dunno but it sounds kinky
Hey they're married and it's for reproductive purposes! That's almost as Catholic as a priest and a choirboy!
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If I got a letter like this I would put up a decoration of a big foam Satan "hugging" his bride. Since it's not technically obscene they can't remove it without banning all religious imagery in the area, win:win. I might even keep it up permanently.
My eyes just rolled so hard I think I need to schedule an appointment with my optometrist.
Eyes rolling back into your head is probably just regular ol Satan possession.
Super normal in October.
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Won't somebody think of ~~the children~~ Satan rawdogging?
This from a person who sees nothing wrong with hanging a cross everywhere.
Crucifixion is one of the most horrific ways to be tortured to death.
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In high school I had a friend who lived with his Grandma and she was pretty much out of it all the time...
Every year for Christmas he would put a giant pentagram in Christmas lights on her street facing roof.
They got letters like this too but she was old and frail and didn't really give a shit what that kid did as long as he didn't kill her or burn her house down.
She would also buy him booze and cigarettes whenever he demanded it at 14ish years old.
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Time to double down!
Pro tip if you want to go WAY overboard for Halloween. Small local butchers often have spines and weird bones that they discard.
Ver Brugge in Rockridge hooked my wife and I up for a Dexter themed Halloween party one year.
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I would buy so many more decorations and put them up. I would even start the first week of September just for shits and giggles
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Those must be some bitchin decorations.
This is how I find out he’s getting married?!
Nextdoor rage bait is trending
Speak for yourself, I love Spooktober: Oktoberfest beer, pumpkin spice, cozy sweaters, spooky stories and spooky decorations for Halloween... the list goes on.
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