this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 121 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Girls don’t break wind, they shatter it, and that’s why they’re breathtaking. That’s what my grandfather always used to say, until my grandmother stabbed him to death during a mental episode. Would have been funny if she suffocated him, but she didn’t seem to consider my need for irony

[–] EddoWagt@feddit.nl 46 points 2 months ago

This was not a comment I expected to read on this post

[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I hope it's because she ate an onion-heavy dish🥰

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Onions are good AND good for you! Sure, they fuel a low-to-medium risk biological agent when digested in sufficient quantities, but it's still better than eggy farts!:)))

[–] zealshock 27 points 2 months ago

I wish she would come and fart in my bed instead

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I knew he was the one when we started laughing at eachother's nighttime farts.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My girlfriend said she knew when I opened the shower curtain and used my dick as a catapult to launch water at her.

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 months ago

Relationship goals

[–] bownage@beehaw.org 17 points 2 months ago

One time my wife farted herself awake, you can't not laugh at that

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

Like hell I’m going to let the girl of my dreams outfart me. The bedroom is going to be a hazmat crisis before I relent!

[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 16 points 2 months ago

Farting *then lifting the edge of the duvet for a quick huff

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 16 points 2 months ago

And that's fine.

[–] proper@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

you’d be noseblind after a while so go for it

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

I have a deviated septum and therefore almost no effective sense of smell.

I have it on good authority that those around me have taken advantage of this on many occasions.

[–] aeharding@vger.social 9 points 2 months ago

The girl of my dreams doesn’t know how to remove oligosaccharides making food 🤔

[–] socsa@piefed.social 8 points 2 months ago

I can fix her

[–] Faydaikin@beehaw.org 7 points 2 months ago

I would be as well, but I have to settle for farting at work at this moment.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Amber Heard, she dropped a turd...