13 years old on vacation with my parent is the only time i made a suicide attempt so yes i would say so
this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Came here to make a similar comment having had a similar experience.
Judging how "easy" someone might have it based solely on age is a ridiculous thing to do.
Mental illness and or abusive parents or siblings (E: or as someone else mentioned: grief) don't suddenly stop existing when you're on holiday, if anything, being away from your own safe space and comfort zone, and in a strange place you don't know surrounded by people you might not even be able to speak to, never mind ask for help, and your abusers potentially feeling more free than they would at home, can make everything significantly worse.
There's plenty of shit to criticise in the world we live in, emo kids reaaaaly shouldn't be one of them.
Ooof... Are you feeling better now?
oh absolutely yes, turns out I'm not the only queer person in the world
When I was 13, we went on vacation to sprinkle my mom’s ashes. The radio in our rental car didn’t work, and we were driving from the Muir Woods to Big Sur and San Francisco during the week, so there was a lot of time in the car. The only cds we had were a Beatles greatest hits album, which got old pretty quickly, and Dennis learys no cure for cancer (my mother died of cancer), which we listened to several times. Luckily, we all thought the situation was pretty funny, though it is the worst vacation I’ve ever had.
SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM, RAWR RAWR
The thing people don't understand about depression and money is that, if you throw firewood in a fireplace but there is no fire burning, or even a little spark do ignite it, the wood will just keep being wood. Money is like wood in a fireplace with no fire. You can have bilions and do everything you want but depression won't ever let the "fire burn". Depression suffering is very real.
I grew up and learned that we were poor
Money talks
But it never tells you love is more important
That said, I'd probably be happier if I wasn't living in a basement with a single window.
Yo I lived in a basement with one window for 10 years. It's not the worst place to be. It was my own little half underground rgb lit up dungeon of teenager.
Don't let your dreams to be dreams! You can get a basement with two windows!!!
That’s exactly why I quit caring to try. I achieved a few dreams and felt..nothing. No sense of pride or accomplishment after burning my life away with no time or energy to make friends for years at a time or enjoy the few things I can still enjoy.
I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.
I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.
I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.
Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.
https://mega.nz/file/c0lkyZiT#MrSCD8ZCK_W5QmU5hekJrhhP-J3tGKUHvpAR748MQ10
There, now I’ve shared one.
I'm not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
Society equating depression with sadness is a great disservice to the condition. It's quite common for it to present as just ... nothing. An emotional void where you might expect emotions to be. Things that would be expected to make you happy just don't. Things that would make you sad, the same. Your feelings are depressed in the sense that their impact is just muted across the board.
A lack of motivation is also a very common indicator. You're just missing the drive to do something because the emotional rewards that you expect to happen when you accomplish your goals just aren't there.
For me I always liked to describe it as feeling like a tool. You just work as expected when needed. There is no feels, no life, no identy. When needed, you function exactly in the way society expects* and then you get put back into the dark garden shed.
- hence also the "Depression doesn't look like Depression"
Yeah that describes me pretty well, but I’m not bummed. I mean, not really.
I don’t know. I could use therapy, but I must not have been honest enough because through my drug rehab program I was in therapy and they decided that I didn’t need it any more. They said that if I felt like I did, I could tell them, but I always want to just grab my meds, joke with the doctor, and get out of there.
I don’t know. If I am depressed I’m surviving. I wasn’t surviving before. I was just paralyzed and waiting for death. I felt like a living thing though without having to think about it, but I didn’t want to be a living thing. Now I do, and my life is objectively a mess but I’m doing better than I ever have, so it’s hard to say I’m depressed when I’m doing better than ever.
Life is a challenge, and that sucks because so far for me, it has flown by.
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"I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad."
Definitely sounds familiar to my experience a couple years before my depression diagnosis. I'm not saying that I think you're depressed, it definitely manifests differently from person to person. For me it feels like a really heavy blanket draped over my mind that holds me down from doing the things I want to, but I am very comfortable underneath that blanket.
Im going to check out your song when I have time later today. I hope you continue making music, we all need something to put ourselves into.
Edit: I just listened to the song, super heart felt and full of emotion. You've gotta make time to do more of that.
Duuude that song was great! The ending reminded me a lot of Elliott Smith. Loved it and am adding it to my library. Thank you for sharing! :)
Thank you for listening to it, and definitely thank you for adding it to your library.
That’s actually how I heard of Elliott Smith. I put a couple songs on mp3.com when I was a teenager and several people compared me to him. I listened and I’ve been hooked since. It’s funny, because after I listened to him his influence poured into everything I did after.
Seriously thank you for listening. For fun, here’s one of my favorites that I ever did. Hope you like it too. I was probably 22 when I did this one.
https://mega.nz/file/E00nzD7C#DGOB4O51EalvIREhqAepIe98jvrVIeagR8jcPbmNGgk
And now I’ve shared two. :)
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I was married to a milionair for 4 years. His family was INSANE. Movie style milionairs. I had anithing and everything I wanted, best clothes, personal trainner, home gym, personal chef, a driver and would travel the world, but I almost killed myself twice. There is only so much shoping you can do before it stops being at all fun.
I left him (and his fucked up family)and got myself a psychiatrist that put me on great meds. I got nothing from him, I didn't wan't to have to deal with them at all. I'm now indeed fat, poor, have to.work to pay bills, old and single but I have never been so happy.
It seems it is a product of modern western style culture. Move away from family for independence, spend best days of life slogging away to live paycheck to paycheck.
I worked with a few filipinos that immigrates to Canada. While the believe Canada is a good place to live, they mention the lonely culture here. They said in the Phillapines every weekend, or sometines day, was a party with friends or family. They always made up a party to celebrate something.
I think we have forgotten that communty village living is what humans evovled to, and yearn.
Another Filipino said canada is great, but everything needs money. Housing is expensive, food is expensive, cars, and all the bills. He said back home we live more simple, no need for a heating bill because of climate, no need for a water bill. If I want water I drill a hole in the ground. So life is about living not earning
Something something Ohio...
2007 called, they want their "subculture its cool to make fun of" back
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Yeah careful with this one chief, they aren't sad because their parents can afford to force them into a road trip.
What is so bad abou vacations with parents?
Depends on the parents
Mom not realizing being an emo isn't a phase are the worst
You're on vacation but your parents make you do stuff you don't want to do.
Your parents are there.
That was their biggest struggle.
Are emo bands still a thing? That seems so two-decades-ago.
What are the kids into now?
These days, everything is kind of a thing. You can find people cosplaying 1920's jazz bands.
I'd count The Used as emo, and they're still awesome.
Well, I'm ~18 and listen to MCR, but I don't call myself an emo.
Man I listened to mcr 15+ years ago. Can't believe it's still going. Pretty cool
I’d say Midwest emo is kinda a fusion of pop punk, emo and a garage band and that’s pretty popular right now
Like checkout Petey or Backstreet lovers
There is a screamo scene made up of gen z kids that seems to be rising in popularity. Check out a band called Catalyst... if you want to get an idea of what they are doing. Its actually really good stuff, and reminds me of the underground emo/screamo scene back in the late 90s/early 2000s.
Ah, the Dashboard Confessional special.
The song in the meme is Ohio is for lovers by Hawthorne Heights.
And I can't make it on my own (And I can't make it on my own) Because my heart is in Ohio So cut my wrists and black my eyes (Cut my wrists and black my eyes) So I can fall asleep tonight, or die
Deep, I know.
Not to say that Dashboard Confessional doesn't have similar lyrics, lol.
I don’t see a song in the meme.
Oh, sorry - it was the post title.
Now I see what you mean. My bad.
tell me how can I feel pain
how can I feel pain
when you're being so supportive
- Bill Bailey
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