this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024

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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

322

Anon meets his dream girl (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago by MrJameGumb@lemmy.world to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] sazey@lemmy.world 234 points 3 months ago

Anon chose to outdo the fat friend and cock block himself.

[–] LouNeko@lemmy.world 214 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Drunk off his ass.

Need a ride home?

Wtf?

[–] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 117 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's ok, this is just what Anon imagined he'd say and do from across the bar while he stared at them and finished his drinks alone.

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago

It's what he imagined he'd imagine if he ever went to a bar.

[–] ArbiterXero@lemmy.world 52 points 3 months ago

Perhaps “willing to pay for taxi”?

Or “my DD friend is getting me and he owes me a favour?”

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 21 points 3 months ago

He was the train conductor.

[–] dev_null@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 months ago

Maybe accompany her so she doesn't have to take the bus alone.

[–] Damage 169 points 3 months ago

Dude filtered himself. Best outcome.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 64 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Could have been worse. Not sure how but it can always be worse

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 118 points 3 months ago

Poor girl could have gone home with that asshole.

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 54 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Maybe he just did the wrong animal impressions to impress her

[–] ZarkleFarkle@sh.itjust.works 16 points 3 months ago

Yellow Canary mining

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 23 points 3 months ago

Ok, but I can relate to smiling irl when I see an internet meme in the memetics of the wild

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

hopefully the fat friend got over the friendzone

[+] Wanderer@lemm.ee -21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The fat friend cockblocker is 100% real. I've had people try to make out it's not and it's unbelievable.

The funniest is when you are talking to someone you know (for example a friends gf) then a fat girl comes over and starts telling you to leave her alone and stuff.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 92 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's when you need to show your diplomat skills and realise that's the bodyguard and it ain't gonna happen tonight. Girls do it (going out as a pair) to feel safe, so trying to separate them is just gonna send their alarm bells ringing and make you sound like a creep no matter what you try.

[+] Wanderer@lemm.ee -34 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

You're literally just making stuff up now I never said anything of the sort. I didn't separate anyone I seen a friend and said hi. Or are men and women not allowed to talk to each other without a chaperon?

I been outside in the smoking area and seen a friends girlfriend and been like "Hey how's it going?"

Then had a fat friend runs over to me and be like "Leave her alone! She has a boyfriend!"

"Yea X" then I just stared at her.

She then goes "Oh right Y." (Y being his nickname). Then just awkwardly stared as us as we both stood their in silence then she walked away.

I found it amusing. Turns out it was a barcawl from their course hence why they were all together outside. (The couple met on their course, I lived with him the year before).

So no it had nothing to do with anything I was doing. I was having a pleasant chat with someone who I was friendly with and she had struck up conversations with me many time, we used to chat at the gym also. It was just her friend being self conscious I guess.

It is always the fat ones that do that. The pretty ones either come over and say "alright?" Or they tend to stand in the conversation for a short period of time and then leave. But the abrupt cutting into a conversation and speaking on behalf of friend like she's a child who can't look after herself is always fat girls. The memes are true.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 32 points 3 months ago

🤡

[–] sigmaklimgrindset@sopuli.xyz 20 points 3 months ago

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

For the record I just posted because these are situations I've encountered a number of times in my thirteen years of going out several times a week. YMMV.

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee -5 points 3 months ago

For the record I posted because these are situations I've encountered a number of times in all my years of going out. Like I said, the memes are true.

[+] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca -22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Bro you don't like girls with big boobs and a huge butt and a soft tummy? You don't think they can be pretty? I dunno, seems pretty gay. Nothing wrong with not being attracted to women of course, you do you.

[+] Wanderer@lemm.ee -7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Haha that's the worse bait in the world.

The premise being you are only straight if you are attracted to all women? No. It's general consensus that fat women are less attractive to most guys. It's all over the media. But whatever, I don't care if you like em big.

Big boobs aren't all that. Some girls have tiny boobs and they can be amazing. Fat girl boobs are more fat than boob though, it's not a positive in my opinion. Like someone said "a fat girl bragging about having big boobs is like someone saying their car is fast because its going over a cliff" I'm not sure what exactly going on but its the same as how your fat male friends boob doesn't feel like a boob. Fat butt can be nice to an extent, but only when the woman has youth on her side. Tummy well, no that's not even worth going after. Flat tummy is thought of as being attractive because of showing fertility.

Poor bait man, haha lol.

[+] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca -20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

I'm not attracted to a woman because I want to have babies with her, I'm attracted because she's hot. What'll you incels come up with next, skull shape as a measurement of attractiveness? Nobody gives a fuck. You like small mid-pubescent boobs, I like big soft boobs that bulge into the space between my fingers when I hold them. I'm sure you've never experienced that joy, though.

It's okay to be gay. I'm gay too. I'm an enby and I like enbies with big boobs, butts, and bellies. You like flat chests and tiny butts, the opposite of me, but since you're a man that makes you gay.

[–] Crix@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

So you're saying people are gay, when the women they like aren't feminine enough for you?

[–] SRo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 months ago

Chubby chaser

[–] Kaboom@reddthat.com 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm like 90% sure you're being homophobic in the weirdest way possible

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well I'm gay, so I probably wouldn't be homophobic intentionally. I must not know I'm being homophobic. Can you explain it?

[–] Cypher@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You’re accusing someone of being gay for not sharing your own preferences then hiding behind being gay.

Straight up homophobia.

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm accusing a misgynist incel of being gay. I would think no less of him for being gay, but he would. There is homophobia in what I'm saying, but it's his. I'm borrowing his homophobia to fuck with him.

[–] Kaboom@reddthat.com 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Idk man, still seems really homophobic

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yes, it's his. You're noticing me using his homophobia. None of it is coming from me, I'm just speaking in his language and letting him draw his own conclusions about the subjective value of what I assert

[–] Kaboom@reddthat.com 0 points 3 months ago

Yet you're the one spreading it

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee -5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Haha you're funny.

Affection is somewhat correlated with health and fertility. That's what makes people hot, to a point.

I have no idea what you are but as long as you stay over there, do what you like and have fun.

[+] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca -10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

"somewhat"

Buddy, I am 100% certain you jerk off to anime girls, despite the fact that they don't have ANY health or fertility, because they're 2D. A fat girl has a much better chance of carrying your babies than your waifu. Fertility is not the reason for your disgust. If you wanna real talk for a second, the reason you're not attracted to fat girls is because society has conditioned you to have a disgust reaction to them. And disgust tends to nullify arousal. You're not your own person, you're just a puppet of mainstream media, liking what they tell you to like. You've absorbed a bunch of fatphobic tropes that have affected your feelings. Not the other way around. Me? I'm my own person. I'm an independent thinker. That's why I like big boobies, and you don't.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

I think you're mixing cause and effect up with that whole media bit. Especially because big boobs and butts are popular in the media. You're leaning your whole argument on the popularity of big boobs while trying to say that you're going against the grain by being into them.

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

I didn't say I don't like big boobs. I don't like boobs that are just big because the woman is overweight.

I think there is more to it than the media and I think you do too.

In tired of your trolling so enjoy!