this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
137 points (97.2% liked)

Not The Onion

12358 readers
176 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
all 19 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] aksdb@feddit.de 37 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Costa-Mota would take the doors and load them onto a lumber cart, said the Secret Service agent who investigated the case.

Wow, he messed with the wrong guys there. I can already see a movie about this in front of my inner eye. Gerard Butler plays the agent.

(Did they maybe want to say "a service agent who doesn't want to be named" or something?)

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 year ago (3 children)

This may be a silly question, but why would the Secret Service, which is tasked with protecting the President of the United States, be investigating door theft at Home Depot?

[–] DelnitaCrane@kbin.social 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The Secret Service was originally created to investigate counterfeiting currency, they only started Presidential protection after McKinley was assassinated. Combating financial fraud remains part of their mission today.

[–] aksdb@feddit.de 8 points 1 year ago

TIL.

I actually thought this must have been a "typo" in the article.

[–] CapraObscura@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

He was charged was wire fraud. That's basically the Secret Service's THING.

Don't do wire fraud. Anything else is pretty fine. The moment the fraud goes over wires, you're ultrafucked.

[–] Zalack@startrek.website 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Its original mandate was investigating financial fraud. Presidential protection came later and has always been in addition to their original mandate.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

The sheer brass balls it would take to try this is impressive, I see why "con" is short for "confidence"

[–] Radium@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 year ago

So 30% of Home Depot’s yearly wage theft? Oh no!

[–] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm glad we're so diligent about thefts towards corporations and the rich. Anytime I've been robbed, stolen from or assaulted, the cops couldn't even be bothered to pretend to care.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Corporations make up the vast amount of theft in the US with wage theft. Cops make up the second largest amount of theft with Civil Forfeiture laws. They only care if you steal from the big boy thieves.

[–] Ilikepornaddict@lemmynsfw.com 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, at some point you've gotta put the blame on the store. Why tf are they consistently letting a dude walk out with product he never paid for. And then why tf are they consistently returning them without receipt. Seriously, they should just let this guy go.

[–] Telecaster615@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I believe most of the time he never took product out of the store. He just grabbed a door and went straight to returns with it. Only if they denied the return would he then leave with it.

[–] Ilikepornaddict@lemmynsfw.com 13 points 1 year ago

That's even worse lol

[–] spacedancer@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Lol that’s pretty clever.

[–] Bobbinapples@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago

In a past life I watched people do this with lumber. A con as old as big box stores return desks.

[–] Falmarri@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

People at my school used to do this all the time with electronics

[–] burrito@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago

I had to check I thought I was in a Trailer Park Boys community.

[–] CapraObscura@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

This is what you get for having an utterly stupid return policy. Complete assholes come in, asshole the place up, and get their balls slurped by management because 'DER COOSTERMUR IS ALWAYS ROIT!!!'

Happy to see these idiots (HD management) get fucked over like this. They all deserve it. Management in these stores is uniformly soulless corporate robots or people so beaten down by mediocrity that they can't be bothered to leave for a company that won't treat them like shit.

61 stores. This is not one dude being a dick. This is systemic failure on HD's part. Fuck 'em.

Also fuck that guy because there's no doubt he was a prick to everyone he encountered.