Autism

I knew someone that did something similar for the same reason, though it was conversations about his future with his mom that he was trying to avoid.

Something that helped with him is to go outside, NOT to interact with people, but just to go on hikes or walk, where you can keep your headphones in and not say a word to someone else, but just to get outside your room, which even though it’s a refuge, can also start to feel like a prison.

Honestly you interact with people much more indoors than outdoors, so viewing a walk as a form of peaceful solitude can be great for getting fresh air and exercise, and you’ll notice you get much less judgement from your roommates if your going outside. You’ll also notice your mental health will probably improve as well.

One of the most frustrating thing about being “different” is that people don’t understand you… and you don’t understand them either. It doesn’t really matter whether we put labels on it like neurotypical vs. neurodivergent, or nerd vs. jock or liberal vs. conservative… the basic nature of the divide is still much the same. So at some point, you just have to learn to accept it, and stop trying to comprehend that which will never come naturally to you. Embrace who you are, and do what works best… for you. Live your life the best way you know how to, and don’t be afraid to tell others that, while you appreciate that they’re trying to help, their advice just isn’t what you need right now.

Life isn’t about conformity… it’s about growing as a person, and becoming a little bit better every day. So maybe, just give yourself a break… I mean, you’re expressing your problems in this forum and you’re interacting with people, even if it’s not in person. That means you did a lot better than you might have by just sitting there and stewing about those differences, right?

I think you’re doing alright.

These kinds of posts are what I'm here for.

I relate so much to this. For me, I've largely become a recluse. This is the most I interact with people at large. I have not been diagnosed, in fact I have only seen a regular doctor once in my adult life.

My best friend was autistic, and I believe he rubbed off on me in a way, in how I think about the world, and myself. That's my only explanation.

So I really feel your emotions here, as I'm super similar to you. I'm not sure what your best move is, but I just want to tell you that you are far more beautiful than you allow yourself to be, and no person is worth you suppressing yourself. Water it down, sure, but I think you should try to open up to the roomies a little at a time, and you may be surprised to find that they find you to be a wonderful human being, and extremely relatable.

Now I know this approach doesn't work with everyone, trust me, which is why I am very picky with who I surround myself with, but I think you have a unique perspective and experience that could better this world.

Thanks for opening up, and I'm sorry if I was unhelpful, I just thought I'd say HI and let you know I appreciate you.

This is why I concluded that I can't live in shared housing. Thankfully my social phobia isn't triggered by living with a partner or I'd be fucked as far as affording housing.

I don't have any useful advice or way to help, but you're not a burden and you're not the only one to feel this way. Sorry if that's not exactly comforting.

You could try writing out a letter to give them or a script for yourself to read to them? I find writing things out gives me enough distance from the problem to be able to gather my thoughts.

I appreciate you taking time to create content and a dialogue with all the Lemmy users. Thank you.

It isn't worth the stress for me either. I keep my interaction with other people to a minimum, and try to save most of the interaction energy I have for my family. Keeping up a mask around neurotypicals is exausting. I feel for you.

Sometimes I just lie and tell poeple I'm sick. Something like a sinus infection or headache. Easy to get, not necessarily any visible symptoms. Explains the lack of appetite too. They don't necessarily need to know the exact reason you are keeping to yourself.

I think you have larger problems than the extent of this post, but honestly what worries me the most right now is that you're missing meals. The foundations for any person's health is food + rest, and letting your mental issues consistently get in the way in those has a large risk of turning into a vicious cycle. If you cannot eat with your family, you should take food to your room.

I suspect that you haven't done this because you think this will create conflict at home. If this is correct, you have to face this question: how much are you willing to let your physical health deteriorate before you decide to find a solution? Are you willing to have someone else impose their solution on you later down the line?

I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pushing you towards a situation that you instinctively feel as problematic, but you have to take some minimum care of the foundations before you fix the roof. Do not feel bad for asking for help, everyone feels at a lost sometimes through their life.

By this

Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing

Do you mean

1. Feeling shame/guilty/etc about how you're perceived by others, or
2. Needing to manage their reactions (like, what you talked about for the rest of your post)