I honestly feel bad posting here again, I feel like a burden. It's just me struggling.. so feel free to skip this post and look at more interesting things
the past two months have been much tougher for me than usual, and when I am not doing well, my capacity to interact with other people is pretty close to zero. I feel a very strong desire to be alone. Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing - I can't talk about what's wrong, and every time I tried my best expressing myself it didn't help. All I really get is advice that does not work for me. So I usually try to pretend I am okay, but at a certain point I can't even really do that anymore.
problem is I'm not living alone. I've skipped quite a number of meals in the past week because I don't want to get into conversations that I don't want to have. I feel like it would be disastrous unmasked, that's why I go this far just to avoid interaction. both of my roommates judge me for spending so much time in my room and I think they tell me to get out every time they see me. I never know how to react to that. Being open about my mental health isn't a good idea - it will end up in them giving me advice that might work for neurotypical, and then they'd blame me if I don't follow their advice. They already kind of do that. I've told one of them about my diagnosis but I don't really think that has no meaning for him.
I feel pathetic skipping dinner anything because I want to avoid social interactions. But in all honesty, I still think it is not worth the stress.
These kinds of posts are what I'm here for.
I relate so much to this. For me, I've largely become a recluse. This is the most I interact with people at large. I have not been diagnosed, in fact I have only seen a regular doctor once in my adult life.
My best friend was autistic, and I believe he rubbed off on me in a way, in how I think about the world, and myself. That's my only explanation.
So I really feel your emotions here, as I'm super similar to you. I'm not sure what your best move is, but I just want to tell you that you are far more beautiful than you allow yourself to be, and no person is worth you suppressing yourself. Water it down, sure, but I think you should try to open up to the roomies a little at a time, and you may be surprised to find that they find you to be a wonderful human being, and extremely relatable.
Now I know this approach doesn't work with everyone, trust me, which is why I am very picky with who I surround myself with, but I think you have a unique perspective and experience that could better this world.
Thanks for opening up, and I'm sorry if I was unhelpful, I just thought I'd say HI and let you know I appreciate you.
I really appreciate reading that, thank you!