this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2024
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There's a very real possibility that I'll need to confront probably my most important life decision ever soon. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibility of having to even consider it. If I do need to, I need to find a way to be at peace with that decision.
It's a doozy too.
adding spoiler tag as the subject could be sensitive for somebody struggling with fertility
"Would I be ok never having a biological child of my own if it meant finding great love and joining an established family?" As someone who already feels like an outsider, would I ever feel like I belong? Am I willing to accept that my life never has a chapter of having and raising my own child if there is potentially an option/scenario where I could? Would I resent my decision?
Heavy stuff. Like I said though, it's not something I need to confront right now but there's a possibility that it might come up, so I should probably get my head straight about the concept so I know where I stand.
Anyway.. almost weekend time woo. I think I might have a drink or two this afternoon.
I'd say if you like the woman and get along with the kids go for it. As far as resentment and/or feeling like an outsider, you can walk away if its not working out, maybe feeling like an outsider is the price of that freedom.
Where there is great love there is family.
Blood ties is not the same as love, I have seen it. 😔
Hm, that is a doozy. Only you can answer that one, I think. Be true to yourself.
I know for some, having their own biological children is important to them, and for other's, less so. It's also important to consider what these Hypothetical Step-Children (HSP (lol)) think as well.
But finding love is hard, and like with all choices, there'll be pros and cons with whatever is picked.
You don't have to decide right now, so take your time and see what happens 🤷♀️
This one is tough. I don't believe I'd have had the strength to do it before I had kids. I really wanted to be a dad and I wanted my "own" kids. The idea of forming a relationship with a single mother was also mega daunting to younger me.
But now that I've gone the traditional route, I could absolutely imagine the "other path" to happiness. I can recognise that I'd have loved it had I met my wife and kids as a package and joined the family. I don't love them because they have my DNA. I love them because they're my kids.
It'll depend on the age(s) of the kid(s), but to a kid is under 5, they won't remember a time before you were in their life. You won't be an outsider, you'll just be "dad".
got a mate struggling with fertility and I gave him some advice recently about this. Course I'm giving it from a VERY privileged position, so feel free to disregard. Once you hold your kid in your arms, you wont give a fuck how you got there, cause it simply doesn't matter. Biological or not wont matter for shit.
the newborn stage fucking sucks too ey. no one actually talks about that part, cause if we were honest no one would ever have kids.
🙋🏻♀️