Men's Liberation
This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Rules
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
Be productive
Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.
Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:
- Build upon the OP
- Discuss concepts rather than semantics
- No low effort comments
- No personal attacks
Assume good faith
Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.
No bigotry
Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.
No brigading
Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.
Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
Related Communities
!feminism@beehaw.org
!askmen@lemmy.world
!mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world
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You mention some examples, like defending your partner from a mugger, calling out your boss when treated unfairly, paying for meals, etc.
Let's say a man stopped doing those things, what do you think the immediate and short term consequences would be?
What about: give the mugger what he wants instead of starting to fight him. This would keep your partner and you out of harms way. There is also no need to call out your boss when he treats you unfairly. Just keep a paper trail and let his/her boss deal with the situation as it is their job. There is no good reason that men are by default paying for meals.
I agree that those are sane approaches. I do think that there can be immediate unintended consequences. If someone didn't pay for a meal, there's propably less chance of a second date. Etc.
I imagine women went through similar consequences while entering traditionally masculine jobs and behavior.
What I'm getting at is that I think that we often think that this pressure is all in our minds, and to some extent that's true, but there are many stories of men opening up and being vulnerable and then their partners lose attraction. That's a hard sell to young men. "Yes, you will be alone forever, but it's necessary because in a couple of generations from now things might be better."
I don't want to be together with a partner that only cares for my "facade of manliness".
Be upfront about stuff, communicate who you are and look out for people that do not care how "manly" you are.
But you are right, it may not pretty hard to be the first one in your social circle to start this change.
That mode of thinking only works if you assume all potential partners are the same. There are women who don't want, nor expect, the guy to pay for everything. There's stories of relationships getting better when men open up and women really appreciating that. Saying you'll be alone forever is not only a hard sell but also a lie.
Well it's entirely dependent on their social circle, right? They're the ones who would or would not enforce these norms.
Yes, that's a good point. And maybe sort of the reason I'm interested in these topics, is trying to figure out how to influence the social circles around me.