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What is the most unhelpful advice you have received? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by axolittl@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

259 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'll go first: "You have to have children when you're young," told to me when I was in my late 20s, with no desire to ever have kids, and no means to support them, by someone divorced multiple times with at least one adult child who does not speak to them.

Also: Responding to "How do I deal with this problem?" questions with "Oh, don't worry about it, it's enough that you're even thinking about it!"

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[–] Wisely@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Just be yourself also is good advice. Not that it will always be successful in advancing the relationship. But it will be less stressful for you and prevent you from wasting years of your life with someone who only likes you for your fake personality.

If you have a horrible personality work on that so just being yourself doesn't mean being an asshole. Even then though at least anyone getting into the relationship will know that ahead of time and not after the divorce.

[–] TheHalc@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Being yourself" can be somewhat complex, though.

Our concept of self is more fluid than most people realise, and we will often be very different in different social groups. We might not even notice this until those social groups collide. Each version of yourself is no more or less "you" than any other.

[–] Wisely@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Thanks for the quality comment. It really is difficult to define since the sense of self is just a concept to begin with.

By being yourself, I would take that to mean being true to your intentions, interests, and general demeanor in the moment. All those can change with time.

Avoiding things like pretending to be interested in sports, pretending to hate comics, pretending to be a "player", pretending to be overly macho, hiding politics, etc are all things that I have seen people do. If your interests change that's normal but I wouldn't recommend feigning things that are untrue for you in the moment.

I think aspiring for self improvement would still count as being true to yourself if you genuinely want to improve.