As much as I normally love and appreciate gender neutrality, I don’t think it belongs in a term like “gay” purely for clarity’s sake - words for sexualities are one of the only places gender actually matters in language imo. The word “gay” is the only popular term for men who like men that I’m aware of, and it’s already sometimes used as a bit of an umbrella term - I try to support all my siblings on the GSM, but sometimes I wanna be able to filter for things explicitly relevant to me the way nearly every other sexuality is able to. I’m aware it’s a very minor gripe and I’m not trying to gatekeep, but I’d personally prefer to see “queer” or another umbrella term used as a gender-neutral catch-all.

Every non-sexuality-related term I’m with you 100%, someone’s femininity/masculinity/both/neither has no bearing and separate words aren’t needed; if I’m in a burning house I’ll be equally glad to see someone whether you call them a fireman, firewoman, or anything else. It’s just if I search for e.g. a gay novel, wanting characters I can directly relate to, I’m pretty invested in the relevant characters being men lol.

[–] Grail@aussie.zone 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

The word lesbian isn't going to solve the ambiguity problem either way, because there are thousands of genders that don't have a special word for gayness. I'm biromantic, but homosexual. I'm romantically attracted to a broad range of genders similar to My own, but I'm only sexually attracted to genders that are very very similar, and that doesn't include women. Making "gay" a term only for men would erase people like Me, and thousands of other nonbinary genders.

[–] felsiq@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 months ago

First off, I notice You’ve capitalized first person pronouns more than once so I’ll assume it’s deliberate and capitalize second person pronouns to match - lmk if this isn’t right and I’ll sentence case them. Secondly, I agree sexuality terms won’t ever be able to perfectly describe everybody and IMO that’s okay - there’s too much variety to our experience and sexualities for that much specificity in labels, but the important part is having an umbrella term that encompasses all of us. I’m absolutely not trying to say that Your sexuality (or anyone else’s) should be excluded from that umbrella term - just adding my two cents about why I prefer that umbrella term to be “queer” or another alternative rather than “gay”. Lots of people seem to use gay to refer to anything relating to the GSM, and that (or You choosing gay as a label You like) is obviously valid - I just wanted to add another perspective since I got the impression from Your comment this was an ongoing decision rather than a piece of Your identity that was set in stone. If that impression is wrong, feel free to ignore this last part - You obvs don’t have to justify your choice of labels to me or anyone.
If You are open to other suggestions, it seems like nonbinary people attracted to genders similar to their own fit the definition of homo/homosexual pretty perfectly - I personally consider myself (in order of specificity) gay, then homosexual, then queer. If I ever have a realization about my gender and learn I’m not a guy (but still something adjacent), then in my mind at least I’d stop being gay but continue being homo - and anything short of being both straight and cisgender would still make me queer. Again, no pressure to use/not use these or any labels - I just really value clarity in language even though it’s nearly a lost cause for things as varied and fluid as GSM stuff lol.