this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
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Bruh, I’m a fat fuck and not only did I get laid, I married a beautiful, wonderful woman half my weight. A amazing woman who loves me for who I am and finds me sexually attractive.
Be kind, be generous, ask questions, and do basic like, grooming and bathing and whatnot. If you’re socially awkward, study the ways of the Chandler. (Not necessarily literally, but honestly you can learn a lot about being pleasant to be around and interacting with people by watching actors fake it, which you can then use to fake it until you’re more comfortable).
Sex itself isn’t the goal, becoming a well-rounded person you would like to be around is the goal. Because self-confidence is an elusive but important factor.
I’m not going to claim to be without privilege, I’ve got a damn sexy voice and I sing in a chorus, which is a great way to meet people. Which is another part of my advice, find hobbies that let you interact with other people. They don’t even need to be people you’re sexually attracted to, because time with people helps you to be better around people, and being better around people helps those people to introduce you to others.
If it’s honestly something you want, becoming the kind of person who fucks is a very attainable goal. After all, our entire species is here because lots of people achieve that goal.
But like I said, it’s important for your aim not to be getting laid, but rather genuinely getting yourself to a place where you like yourself and know others will like you, too. Journey before destination, you know? It’s really really easy to wallow and pretend it’s outside your abilities, but that’s true of anything that you have never done before. And literally everything you do is something you can get better at.
Don’t give up, don’t despair.
Who the fuck Is Chandler?
Also I'm sorry but you're basically telling me to fake myself. I cannot do that, it literally makes me sick in my stomach trying to "fit in" I have 0 desire of having another worthless hobby just to be more desirable... It doesn't feel genuine, already dropped a few of those that I HAD the will to do, imagine a hobby that I don't a give a shit about it how good that would go
Buddy, your account is 10 hours old and all you've contributed is negativity. I'm not surprised you can't get laid, your attitude is bad and you seem like an unpleasant person based off the tone of your comments.
Nobody likes someone that's perpetually angry. Buddy's advice to you basically boiled down to "be yourself and be a genuinely kind person" and you just straight up dismiss it as "faking it". If you have to fake being nice then you should get some help.
The guy suggested that practicing basic hygiene is 'faking it' and trying to 'fit in'.
I don't want to use the words 'lost cause' but I'm getting close.
Chandler Bing, the sarcastic “nerd” in Friends (who, like every sitcom character, is actually highly attractive of course).
Not saying you need to watch Friends (it hasn’t aged super well), but honestly sitcoms can be helpful for social training. To some extent, anyway.
No, I’m suggesting you find way to change things you don’t like about yourself, to make improvements. You’re going to feel like you’re faking it any time you try to do something you aren’t comfortable with at first, but the more you do it the more comfortable you’ll feel.
Not telling you to try to fit in. I’m telling you to try to improve your interpersonal skills. Trying to fit in is trying to copy everyone else and be what you think they want you to be. Instead, try examine the way other people interact to learn how to be less awkward.
You won’t succeed immediately. You will make a fool of yourself. I spent decades making a fool of myself. Still do make a fool of myself. But that’s okay. The only real cost are the frustratingly intrusive memories of embarrassment. 😅 But hey, that’s how we learn.
Who said anything about worthless hobbies? I’m confident there are things you’ve never tried that you would enjoy. If you don’t like it, find something else. Branch out. Spend time around people, that’s the important part. Not just for getting laid, but for like, longevity. Humans who have consistent social connections live longer on average.
Look, I’m not making demands of you here. I’m trying to give you advice that worked for me. If you don’t want that advice, just ignore it. But you remind me of my own attitude when I was younger, and I’m just letting you know what helped me.
I am significantly happier now than I was twenty years ago. But it’s not like I’ve reached some end point, change is the only constant. Improving myself is something I will probably never stop doing. Lately it’s been about learning to be a better partner to my wife, but it’s also still always about learning to be more comfortable outside my comfort zones. A lifelong, ongoing process. Like I said, journey before destination.
If left to my own devices, I would spend most evenings smoking weed, playing video games, and listening to podcasts or TV. Activities I love. But if that were all I did (or, rather, when that was all I did), I would (did) enjoy my life far less.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t easy. A line from the TV show Scrubs that has stuck with me for years goes “nothing in life worth having comes easy.” I don’t know if I entirely agree with this line, but there is absolutely some truth to it. Every day we choose between the pain of effort and the pain of regret.
Anyway, I don’t want to be annoying. I hope you find what you’re looking for in life, dude.
Just wanted to say that both of your replies are great comments, they're both useful and positive, love seeing comments like yours. They're well thought out replies!
People like you help to give me back some of my faith in humanity.
It's great that you're taking that other guy to heart.
He is basically telling you to be nice to others. To work on yourself to become a better person. Something we all are supposed to be doing and most of us are doing. And sometimes, when you don't feel like it, to be nice to others anyways. That's just basic human decency and interaction.
Nobody is telling you to fake yourself. But we all sometimes are feeling like behaving like an asshole, but then we don't.
Basically, work on yourself to become a person others like to be around and don't be an asshole.
No you have to be genuine