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Advice on finding a partner? (lemm.ee)

submitted 6 months ago by lemmylem@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don't want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there's the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it'll come to me.

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[–] AlexanderESmith@kbin.social 29 points 6 months ago

Don't.

Okay, that could easily be misinterpreted. What I mean is don't look for one. Live your life. Get to know yourself. Find some hobbies, start some projects, do some cool shit. Not as a resume for a relationship, just to do it and be fulfilled. You don't need to find someone right this moment.

The worst relationship I ever had was because I was young and lonely and bored and I ended up dating someone who nearly destroyed my life and dominated everything about it. Took 5 years to get away from it. Subsequent relationships suffered, though not because my partners were awful, I just wasn't worth dating.

At some point, I just got tired of it and "retired" from dating. I took care of myself, did things that interested me, and relaxed for a few years. Just me. I got really happy just being with myself. Then, my best friend of nearly 20 years and I ended up starting a thing nearly on accident, and now (a few years later) we're very happily married. Absolutely would not have been possible unless I'd spent the time to figure myself out.