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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 6 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] Kanzar@sh.itjust.works 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

An enby I encountered a fair bit back home would call everyone friend, and I might refer to people as folks. I am lucky I'm Australian, so mate also works.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 10 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Friend is good, but I'd feel a bit like I was in a cult, I think.

"Thanks, friend. By the way, you know who else is your friend? The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Let me tell you all about it."