Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
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Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Alright, listen.
I understand you're considering starting HRT, and that's a big decision, so it's only natural you have fears and doubts. It's also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.
You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like -- what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.
That feeling doesn't exist.
I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I've ever done -- but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.
Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you're trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can't act on their feelings until they're 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn't.
Mind you, I'm not telling you to start right away either -- it's perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I'm not even telling you to start at all. You're the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It's a frustrating answer, I know, but it's the only honest one I can give you.
I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I'm honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don't let them paralyze you.
This is a perfect comment.
I can't speak for others but I probably borderline obsessively have to get all the info possible because I fear making the "obvious" wrong decision.
I'm somewhat relieved but also saddened that there's this many of these kind of posts. I have been feeling like it's a similar feeling to when I realized I was trans, and when I finally was able to accept it.
I appreciate your blunt honesty. ๐ I needed it. I think that's where I am. As far as I know to go, looking for confirmation before I jump.
Can confirm, I still don't know that I'm trans, all I know is that I started HRT and transitioned socially and I still like it so I keep doing it. Sometimes you just have to admit it's scary and you're taking a gamble, but you can always take stock and see if the transition is still right for you. It can feel like you have to commit up-front and know for sure, but I'm not sure anyone knows for sure.
When I'm feeling the most doubt I like to sit down and write out the reasons I think I'm trans or why I think I might not be trans. Usually by writing it out I am confronted with all the reasons I have for transitioning and I feel better, more grounded in my choices. I think this is probably just fear and internalized transphobia that causes me to endlessly doubt and question whether I'm actually trans.