this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2024
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I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

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[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Looking at the pic, there is definitely hope, but time and money are probably the real problem. Eyebrow thinning and eyelashes would be helpful and only require maintenance, while makeup would make you pretty. Nothing that's masculine in this picture can't be changed with easily available beauty products. The eyebrows alone are 90% of what gives a masc vibe, and even still, your face is ambiguous at most. If you put in time and effort, you'll be more than fine.

I don't know about your clothing, but they also play a significant role. Body language, posture, gait, and facial expressions can also help or hurt. These are things anyone can adjust and come more naturally as you practice. Even people with super masculine faces or bodies can assert their gender by wearing the right things and moving the right way. It's just harder for us to learn these things than cis women who got to learn it as teens.

I know how I can look better outside of medical stuff, but time and motivation are not on my side. I have crippling executive functioning problems, and struggle to start basic affirming activities like shaving or skincare. However, once I start do them, I feel so much better and can finish doing things with less effort. It's just so hard to affirm when you have work and life to worry about.

On top of that, fashion and cosmetics cost money, even if you're frugal. Being trans makes life harder, but there isn't much we can do about it. Getting off HRT will probably just make things even harder than now. Everything that makes you unhappy with your appearance will get worse, and you won't suddenly get used to it.

Your battle right now is mental more than it is hormonal. That doesn't make it less valid or real. It's probably more difficult in many ways.