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What person can help me sort out the big picture of my life? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

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[–] uhmbah@lemmy.ca 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

What sort of person would be able to help me?

You.

Goals.

A car is not useful without a direction. A life is more useful with goals.

Where do you want to be in 10 years? If you don't know, pick something. As you gain direction toward your goal, you can refine the goal. Or, since you have momentum, switch direction even.

Break down your 10-year goal. Smaller and smaller goals, 5 year, 2 year, this year, next month.

How can you help yourself? Find someone who can coach you with setting goals. A little easier than finding someone who can help you with your "life".

[–] Syn_Attck@lemmy.today 1 points 7 months ago

Great comment. Related: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. When you have a huge project (figuring your life out) it won't do any good only looking at the big picture. You must break it down into small, manageable bits.