First of all I'd like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don't though), I'm trying my best not to and I was just curious :)

I'm an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who's not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a "don't care" person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don't know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don't know if all this is the classic "but i have a black friend" argument that racists use.

To cut to the point: I'm curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I've witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I'm wondering what the best attitude to take would be.

Thanks!

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[–] verbalbotanics@beehaw.org 34 points 1 year ago (5 children)

If I'm being honest, the only thing that would be strange to me is why wouldn't you consider yourself an ally? It sounds like there are are a lot of important people in your life who are LGBT. I guess if you're wondering about perception, someone who has a lot of queer friends but doesn't want to stand up for them usually rings alarm bells in the LGBT community. Not saying that's you, just in general.

But I will say from personal experience, allies are like gold for me. Love them all to death.

And no worries, I feel like it's a respectful question. Hope you can keep learning!

[–] Lumo@beehaw.org 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Like I don't feel like I'm an ally because I don't really go out of my way to show it? I don't really know how to explain it other than my sister who is very explicitly an ally, like she has a bunch of rainbow stuff in her room and on her backpack etc and has a lot of queer friends while on my end I don't really show that? Like of course if someone was being a piece of shit towards my gay friends I'd step up and try and defend them, but that goes for any of my friends too?

Again I don't really know how to word it but I don't recognize myself in the term "ally" (although I've been considering putting a rainbow pin on my backpack or something because rainbows are cool)

[–] verbalbotanics@beehaw.org 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You don't have to put rainbows on anything if you don't want. I don't even use rainbows!

The main thing is, when you hear someone in a cishet group spouting homophobia, be the one to say "hey that's not cool". Lots of people say they're allies and put it on their social media and whatnot, but where it counts is just being able to stick up for us like you would for any mate when the time comes

[–] leigh@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

💯 A cishet person who treats “ally” as a verb is WAY more helpful than one who only wears it as a noun.

[–] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

I'm personally a fan of shifting language - anyone can be an ally, but being an advocate or a champion has a higher bar. At the end of the day, I absolutely respect this person's hesitance to not take on the label of ally, because they feel like they aren't doing enough for it to be valid. That's a very considerate take.

[–] silent_g@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

In that case, I don't think it's fair to describe yourself as someone who "doesn't care". I think when you say that you don't care, it can come off as not caring if someone is being a piece of shit towards your gay friends. "I don't care if you're gay" can sound like "I don't care if you get antagonized for being gay", and I think the fact that you would stand up for your gay friends shows that you do care that they are gay, you care that that is seen as something worth standing up for and protecting. Saying you don't care is minimizing the extent to which you do care.

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