This hit me like a week ago. I straight up panicked. I still kinda am. I don't know what to do. I'm fucking terrified. How do you learn how to be a girl in your forties? I don't even know how to do makeup, every time I tried it looked like shit.
I thought I was a femboy. A kinky weird femboy with a supportive girlfriend that didn't mind the occasional dressing up. This is probably way too much for her. I think it's too much for me. But now that I know this I can't not know it. It's like my subconscious just came out of nowhere and was like, "Hey you know that quirky thing about you? Well it turns out that's entirely you, and you're miserable trying to deny it. By the way everything in your experience tells you that people will hate you for it, and the state is actively trying to harm people like you. Also crazy people will probably want to kill you about it Byeeeeeeee!"
What do?
Edit: Thanks everyone for all the helpful comments. All this is still big and scary right now, but I feel a little better about where I am now, and the first few steps. This is a good community here.
My god I was a lesbian the whole time!
That was kind of the wildest realization for me.
Like, "oh, wow, I'm actually a girl... Huh."
"Oh, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I'M A LESBIAN!? IS THAT ALLOWED!?"
Same here. I agonised way longer over whether I was allowed to be a gay girl than I did over just being a girl at all.
Yeah. I have a gay sister, and she's been out since long before I even put the pieces together about myself, let alone came out.
She was the first person I came out to in person, and I haven't really talked to her about the being gay part of it, but come to think of it she probably realized right away that me being trans also implied lesbian. Not that it stopped me from feeling like I was somehow intruding on her space by even thinking of myself that way...