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About that last point, you don’t really need to. Internet people like to show off their customized desktops and systems, but in reality using a “just works” distribution requires very little headache and time. Except for the time spent choosing it, that is
Maybe this weekend I'll give it a go on the old laptop
I would suggest Mint as a good distro that's easy to use out of the box. It's what I use on my laptop, and am switching to on the computer.
If you're not sure though, you can try Linux in a virtual machine :)
Thanks, that's the one I've seen recommended the most, I reckon