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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 9 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

34 comments fedilink hide all child comments

trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 5 points 9 months ago

Very relatable yet very brave to talk to the „local pub“ about such a private matter.

I have circles I discuss such matters with:

wife, closest friends, therapist - matters that make me feel very triggered because they know how to get me down
friends, closed or niche chat rooms to talk about my stuff in general. Often not with clearname but still somewhat private matters
open spaces (lemmy, reddit, forums). Stuff that does not trigger me so as to not spiral out of control if a troll finds me there

Coming to the problem:

Having someone put in the last word and blocking you is actually very petty and a last resort if someone got triggered themselves. I‘d say it is dumb but I have to say I did so myself if someone was very rude.

Try to think of it like this:

this person does not know you so their judgement does not concern you
if they said mean things and blocked they‘re probably very young and didn’t know how to help themselves
thinking in winning and losing is not helpful at all. You should instead try to learn and help others to learn. Its not important who has done „better“ in a discussion

Btw getting triggered normally is evidence that something has hurt you in the past and not the current interaction is hurting you but it reminded you of a situation where you were hurt. You can try to solve it by speaking about these things with your therapist or close/reflected friends.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you good luck.