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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 9 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

The reason your mind refuses to accept things you can’t change is that there are aspects of t that you can change.

For example, you have a tendency to get caught up in online arguments. You can change that if you want to.

The way to accept the things you can’t change is to carefully separate them from the things you can change, then commit to changing the things you can.

When something is bothering you, don’t just assume your perception of what’s bothering you is correct. In this case you think it’s the other person’s behavior that’s bothering you, but there’s a component to this that is from you, and you can change that.

It’s like you’re asking how to throw away some chicken bones “when there’s nothing left to eat”, but the thing you’re trying to throw away still has some meat on it. It is the meat, not the bones, that is tugging at your mind.