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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 9 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

34 comments fedilink hide all child comments

trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] d00phy@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

One thing to consider: you feel like not being able to reply means the other person “won.” You didn’t mention the context of the discussion, but I find that approaching most conversations like that (win/lose), you’re already too involved. Conversations, debates, etc. are ways we exchange thoughts and ideas. Winning vs losing implies you think you are right and the other person is wrong. If that’s the case, why bother with the convo at all?

The likelihood that you will convince the other pererson they are wrong is very low, especially when you approach it thinking they are wrong. Instead, approach it trying to learn the ins and outs of their argument. Ask questions that make the person really think about their position. People change their own minds. You can’t force them or do it for them.