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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 9 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

34 comments fedilink hide all child comments

trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] nycki@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

I think you're approaching this in the right way. You know that logically it's not worth your time to dwell on something you can't change, but knowing that doesn't change how you feel about it, because feelings aren't rational.

You can't make the feelings go away, but you can find a better way to express them. You came here because you needed to talk about your feelings, and that's a good start, although in general the internet makes a poor therapist. I would recommend starting a journal, either on paper, in text, or using a voice recorder, whatever feels most natural. Journals are good listeners.

Pay attention to yourself. Allow yourself to recognize your emotions, and how they affect your body. Listen to your breathing. Put a finger on your wrist and try to feel your pulse. Take a moment to be aware of your hunger, your thirst, your aches and pains, and how all of them feed back into your emotions. Work with your emotions, not against them.