Transfem

The lady I’ve been taking care of died earlier this month. It was a blessing. She was starting to get locked in to her body, it was truly a Cronenberg body horror extravaganza. She died in the closet. She was pansexual or bisexual and all the photos we came up with just made people ask more questions. They only guessed, but I actually knew the story, not the type to out someone at their funeral I kept it to myself, but I swore to myself I’m not going to die hiding the same way. I’ve never presented femme where I wasn’t the butt of the joke for a stage production. Well, I went to that funeral as myself god damnit.

The wig was in terrible condition, I didn’t have time to do my makeup, and I had been running around for a week to make this all happen, but I still went anyway. I showed up late and started setting up. My hands were shaking and I was so anxious. People who knew me came up to talk to my partner, completely glossed over me as a friend. A couple people asked in front of me where I was, and I just said it was me. They were all shocked. My mom and grandparents were there, they were civil at least, mom’s cop husband just stared off in the distance uncomfortable the whole time (seethe piggy).

I went to the bar and got hit on by the patrons, and the barkeep. Barkeep got quiet and less friendly after they carded me, one of the patrons joked about how now he knows where I live and hardy har har, I just flipped my ID over to them too there you go, I’m never lackin, come visit sugar, the next 21 gun salute at this American legion can be for you, buckwheat.

Ewwwwwphoria

The deceased’s sister and her partner came to talk to me, their partner said they thought my voice was different last time we saw each other over thanksgiving and they called it that I was transitioning. I had given my condolences about her sister, and said she was a beautiful woman, and she said I’m a beautiful woman too, and I started crying.

Later my mom texted me

We just made it home. You did a fantastic job with this entire situation with L**** and you handled her care and needs in a beautiful way. I’m touched by the many testimonies and compliments the s***** family gave to us over you and you should feel very proud that your beauty shown through during this difficult time. You too served as a bridge for her and I admire you for your service of love and sacrifice.

We went out afterwards for dinner, and I got ma’amed and Ladies’ed all over the place, I don’t care if she was being polite or what, it was nice. It all went well until one of my partners gay friends asked if I was gonna cut my dick off, kinda killed my mood right away and I had to leave.

You know, sometimes it all ends up alright.