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I would kill for their bidets everywhere.
If you like them, you can just buy one for your home. Expensive, but probably a better option than the murder you suggest.
Dude, bidet add-ons are like $40 that work great. I agree I wish it was more widespread though.
$40 for the basic ones. They still work great, (I have them on all my toilets at home!) but they definitely aren’t as flashy as the Japanese toilets. Self-cleaning seats, heated seats, heated water for the bidet, etc…
We have plenty of bidets here in the States, they just install them outside the bathrooms and they mount them kind of high so they're kinda awkward to get a good clean angle, though.
I'm in Portugal and bidets are standard in all home toilets around here.
And it's not just here: the word itself - "bidet"- is actually French.
That said, they're invariably plain and no-frills around here.
Next time out down the katana and just learn some Japanese. You can say:
And they will just let you use the bidet