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what has worked for you to stop getting angry thinking about people who hurt you? (linux.community)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I'm letting people who hurt me in the past live rent free in my mind.

One episode involves a former landlord that tried to run me over in an intersection with no traffic cameras.

Another one involves a manager that fired me for informing that one of his favorites yelled during night shift and ignored alarms to talk. He fired me the next day, used the exit interview to tell me everything I didn't do right (but kept quiet about his favorites, even though I did the job like them), still had the utmost confidence on his favorites, accused me of being lazy and instead of simply firing me and keeping neutral he chose to take it personal, proceeded to try to scare me insinuating I wouldn't work for his system again, when that failed, tried to humiliate me and then fired me. This was in an non union hospital.

When I think about it I get angry. Id like not to be so thin skinned, but here I am.

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[–] Land_Strider@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You probably know better, but I can't help saying this anyway: Don't go for any substance or addictive activities unless it is clearly healthy living. Substance abuse, sometimes even simple use, when in bad mood can lead to more of that bad mood. Substance use at better times can be more effective in enjoying stuff more and having less time to think about bad thoughts, than trying to suppress bad thoughts via substance abuse during those moments. Using substances as good mood enhancers rather than escapes from bad moods, of course depending on the person, context, and actual variety of the substance, can come to you better and as a very natural, mostly non-addictive form of substance use.

Addictive activities to suppress unresolved emotions can lead to withdrawal effects just like substance abuse, some activities do that soon and some after long durations.

I'm not a gymbro, and actually a fatass on high levels of overweightpart on the scale, but fitness activities do help with getting rid of rent free thoughts, secreting some kind of hormones that can help lift your mood, leading to situations (hopefully nicer) like meeting people, seeing even ordinary sights that can look stunning, feeling of progress on something, etc. that can replace those bad thoughts, at least most of the time. It can work very early if you can enjoy the feeling of slightly but a bit lengthy sore muscles, and/or it can give visible satisfying results in the mid/long term if you can keep up.

Not saying do this last, since the events you said can stick with you rightfully as very indignifying things to do unto others, getting over these thoughts via your own attempts or your social circles' help may not prove good enough, even with best effort and intentions. Seeking professional help, even as the first next thing, could prove to be best in this case.

Try to see what works for you, and take any example or advice as alternatives or options rather than surefire methods. There are many variables, including context, person, perception, reception, intensity, duration, etc. that are very crucial in resolving psychological situations, and finding the exact answers for your variables is almost surely improbable. As how most therapy are assisting you find solutions for your problems, and not giving you answers to your problems, you'll understand what works for you better in the end.